Nights of Terror: Days of Brain Fog

I am walking down a path that is untrodden. Not much data is known about switching from drugs to a VNS unit. A VNS unit simulates the brain to produce serotonin.

Messing with the levels of serotonin produces anything from terror dreams to deep depression. But the VNS device produces a strong shock directly to the brain. Drugs do it slower. It has been less than a month and I can see some results.

Terror dreams start about a week before a downfall. I am having them all night long now. Dreams of losing abilities such as simple brain functions and inability to do simple tasks such as using a phone to call for help. An inability to get help and foggy brain. As I go along the dreams usually get worse. They involve movement. Now I have a rail on the side of the bed to keep from rolling off and hurting myself.

I have a job to maintain. Terror dreams of the nature above do not seem much. But this is the start. I have a been there before. I want to feel somewhat in control. I will go slowly. I have two doctors on my case now. They have told me that they don't know much either. The company that makes the device no longer has the nurse I was working with in 2008.  Not knowing what I am getting into is also frightening. Last time, before two mental hospital stays, I did not know what was ahead. I really don't know now, but I have some inkling. I pray for God to lead me. And if you who are reading this are a praying individual please pray for me.

Latuda effects

I was put on Latuda about 10 days ago. Now I keep wanting to move. I am up writing this because I want to move around constantly and typing seems to help. First it was my breasts that hurt as if I had eaten way to much caffeine. So the method of breast massage was employed. That seemed to help vastly. Anything to stop the misery and pain. Now the inability to stay still. I am waiting for the side effects to get worse.
I am waiting to go to the doctor for the VNS.  He is a neurologist and usually works with epileptics. I was not there since 2011 so I have to register as a new patient.  This is a pain. I should have taken better care to have it adjusted and watched. It was not bothering me, and I thought it wasn't working as it was supposed to so I let it go. I was neglectful about the matter. If it is not working, I should have it removed. That is cost prohibitive. The thing was put in in 2008 and has been turned on since. The battery was supposed to be working for only six years. So I expect it to stop any day. My level of usage was low grade, only a very small shock was used to stimulate the brain and create serotonin.  Perhaps the low level of stimulation will enable the battery to last longer.

I am back on effexor. I know that that drug was tolerated by me some time ago. As a matter of fact about three years ago. It seemed to work for a short time and then it quit. Same as the other drugs. I  have had about 18 different medications over the past 21 years. They work for a time then they peter out.

There is a strange phenomenon with depression. Unless the drug is working the right way memory is impaired, joy is also. I have very little memories of the day before. And if you were to ask me how the joy that I experienced was remembered there would be nothing there.  Nothing there, just a vague memory there. Not joy, and over time nothing. I can't remember what joy is about. That is pitiful now isn't it?

True Inner Happiness is Rare

In the search for what will make me happy, I have done many things. (Don't we all). But I don't mean just material things, even spiritual things, I mean I want to laugh. Over silly things. It seems that that doesn't happen very often. A really deep sense of happiness and silliness. I did have a small amount last night. Listening to silly ringtones. I was laughing like crazy!  Serotonin was surging and for about an hour I was silly/happy. I think with all the stress in today's world and the seriousness of the state of things more silly things are called for. Not demeaning, just let loose silly things.

I have to learn to let go, and back off of ruminating thoughts. This is after 9 months on medications. and eight different ones at that. Any thought can become ruminating. Most are negative, and full of anxiety. But if I can just dwell on the words "Drop it and back off!" The feeling of control of the thoughts empowers me. Even just a little bit. So if I can replace the thoughts with silly things on intention, it does help.

Alpha lipoic acid: treatment for depression

Abstract

Insulin resistance has been associated with people diagnosed with depression. Conversely, it has also been documented that diabetics have an increased risk of depression. Evidence suggests that insulin activity plays a role in serotonergic activity by increasing the influx of tryptophan into the brain. This increased influx of tryptophan has been shown to result in an increase in serotonin synthesis. In accordance with the serotonin theory of depression, it may be possible to treat depression by increasing insulin activity. The antioxidant alpha lipoic acid has been shown to increase insulin sensitivity and is used to treat people with diabetes. Therefore, the nutrient alpha lipoic acid should be clinically tested as an adjunct treatment for depression.

Source: Click Here

Alpha-Lipoic Acid is a fat soluble antioxidant and protects nerves from free radical damage. Generally, 100 - 300 mg per day is enough to be of benefit.

Source: Click Here

Could I Use SNRIs?

I have used these drugs before:

• Duloxetine (Cymbalta)
• Venlafaxine (Effexor, Effexor XR)

And found out that they worked for a while then quit. Here is an article by the Mayo Clinic:

• 
  

Serotonin and norepinephrine reuptake inhibitors (SNRIs)

Antidepressant SNRIs help relieve depression symptoms, such as irritability and sadness. Here's how these antidepressants work and what side effects they may cause.

By Mayo Clinic staff

SNRIs are a class of medications that are effective at easing depression symptoms. SNRIs are also sometimes used to treat other mental health conditions such as anxiety.

How serotonin and norepinephrine reuptake inhibitors work

Serotonin and norepinephrine reuptake inhibitors (SNRIs) ease depression by affecting chemical messengers (neurotransmitters) used to communicate between brain cells. Most antidepressants work by changing the levels of one or more of these naturally occurring brain chemicals.

SNRIs block the absorption (reuptake) of the neurotransmitters serotonin (ser-oh-TOE-nin) and norepinephrine (nor-ep-ih-NEF-rin) in the brain. They also affect certain other neurotransmitters. Changing the balance of these chemicals seems to help brain cells send and receive messages, which in turn boosts mood. Medications in this group of antidepressants are sometimes called dual reuptake inhibitors.

Serotonin and norepinephrine reuptake inhibitors approved to treat depression

SNRIs approved by the Food and Drug Administration to treat depression, with their generic names followed by brand names in parentheses, include:

• Duloxetine (Cymbalta)
• Venlafaxine (Effexor, Effexor XR)
• Desvenlafaxine (Pristiq)

As with some other antidepressants, venlafaxine is available in an immediate-release form that requires two or three doses a day and in an extended-release (XR) form that allows you to take it just once a day.

Sometimes, SNRIs are used to treat conditions other than depression.

Side effects and cautions

All SNRIs work in a similar way and generally cause similar side effects. However, each SNRI has a different chemical makeup, so one may affect you differently than does another.

Side effects of SNRIs can include:

• Nausea (particularly with duloxetine)
• Dry mouth
• Dizziness
• Insomnia
• Sleepiness
• Constipation
• Increased blood pressure (with venlafaxine)
• Excessive sweating
• Reduced sexual desire or difficulty reaching orgasm
• Inability to maintain an erection (erectile dysfunction)
• Increased heart rate
• Heart palpitation
• Difficulty urinating
• Tremor
• Headache
• Agitation or anxiety
• Changes in appetite
• Abnormal vision, such as blurred vision or double vision
• Muscle weakness

Nausea is less common with the extended-release form of SNRIs.

If you want to read more of the article, just click the link below in right corner.

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Turning off the VNS

It has occurred to me that the VNS device maybe hindering the quality of life. I still suffer the symptoms, depression and anxiety are still there, but constant hunger is there, immensely. The VNS device causes that when there are mitigating circumstances, meaning that when there are food allergens and other chemicals that are affecting me, then, yes it works. It always puts out the shock that puts serotonin into the brain. It is how the body receives the  extra serotonin with other factors involved. Other factors

• medications, 
• food,
• psychological preconceptions of fear of what has happened in the past,
• environmental things.

Maybe I need norepinephrine instead. And I have a problem with histamine. I found this link to a Canadian lab. Why American doctors, mainstream are not offering this test is beyond me.

Testimony with updates

 Taken from the blog www.mylifemyreflections.blogspot.com

My Testimony 

by Janet Matthews

This was originally written in August 2010 and published in YFCC's newsletter.

                                                       

                                                               My Testimony August 2010

Dr. Dan is presenting his Extreme Make Over Series again. Amazingly, he is teaching all new information.The Extreme Make Overs occur about every six months. At the last EMO ( January 2010), I was just coming off my medications. At that time, I was taking 3 antidepressants, a thyroid medication, and a cholesterol medication. Now I have been off of them for six months. Over the past 17 years, I have taken, I believe, 17 or 18 different medications. Although I always desired to rid my body of these awful drugs, I couldn't go a day not taking them without severe withdrawal symptoms. These chemicals literally kept me imprisoned and were destroying my life. Over the last 6 months, I have seen incredible changes all through chiropractic care, nutritional modifications and a cutting edge detoxification program supervised by Dr. Fernandez. We must remember tho rid the body of the internal chemicals that cause harm. Sugar is a problem for me because it increases the yeast and molds in my body.

Chiropractic care brings the spinal bones back into alignment, and as a result, the brain can send those critically needed healing messages to the body.  When I first began my care, I had no curve in my neck(the arc of life).  It is supposed to have a "C" curve in it. Because it didn't, the lack of curvature was stretching the the brain stem down into the spinal column and literally pulling the brain down into the spine. OUCH! That cut off blood and information coming from the brain to the rest of my body. Because of the interference, my body suffered greatly.

Then the doctors found that I was toxic with lead along with other metals. My drinking water had to many chemicals in it as well.  Chlorine was a big problem.  Chlorine kills even the good bacteria in the intestines.  As a result, the intestines are unable to digest food correctly.  Purchasing a water filter was my first smart step and has made a big difference.

I learned how to cook with all the right foods - the ones that detoxify and reduce inflammation. I learned that garlic, onions, and cilantro are some of the most powerful healing foods that can be consumed.  Fennel also possesses incredible healing properties,one being the ability to kill mold.  Sage, rosemary, and All Spice all contribute to the production of serotonin in the brain.  This is the amino acid that lifts depression.

No strategy to heal my body worked prior to my coming to YFCC. I was poisoning myself with sugars daily. High amounts of bread, pasta, and fruits in my diet severely elevated the inflammatory process in my body and created constant suffering and pain.  My psychiatrist told me the depression would never go away. Well, of course it would never go away if I depended on him.  He wants my money.  So do the drug companies!!  Yes, let's keep the patient ignorant of the real CAUSE of their problems.  And while we're at it, let's keep their money. too!

However, the real problem is sickness and dis-ease in the body, and my depression was a symptom of the sickness.  The causes of my sickness were interference by subluxation, inflammation, yeast, molds, acidic foods, and environmental factors such as chemicals, preservatives, and additives in various foods that polluted the body.  My brain reacted to this flood of contaminants with anxiety, depression,  and allergies. I know in others the contaminants cause ADHD and a host of other brain dis-eases.

I thank God that I have my life back.  Thanks to YFCC, Dr. Dan and his entire team, my quality of life has been restored and life is enjoyable again.  Living without drugs, pain, and a dis-eased body is more than I ever dreamed possible.  I am thankful to be alive and well, and I look forward to making the rest of my years the best of my years. Thank you for my new found freedom!

New Stresses

Updates that have brought back the depression, and coming out of it again.

5/5/11

I was in a car accident May 5. I may have some whiplash.

 I called Dr.Hernandez at Thrive from the accident scene. Funny that I would consider him first among everyone. But Chiro has become that much of my life

now.

When I was doing my taxes for 2010, I noticed that I had been in the

hospital in the Spring in 2009 and 2010. I was adamant that I was not

going to end up there again this year. I was almost to the point of

glee when I found myself in an ambulance yesterday afternoon. I am

here again?!  God you have a sense of humor, or maybe trying to tell

me that You are in control:) 

5/11/11

As an update to the above:

Over the weekend I started to notice medium brown floaters in the

lower quarter of my vision. That would put it across my breast area.

Now with eating a lot of oils lately, I thought that it was just a

blouse that needed pretreatment  (lol), but no, it has to be the

occipital bone out of alinement again.  There has been an increase in

depression over this last weekend.

Shock to the body, misalignment of the spine is what brought it on.

5/31

I have been in and out of depression more often since the car accident.

Before the accident I would go into depression perhaps every other week. A mild depression, to be sure, but now it is getting to be daily. I thought as the body healed from the bruised and sprained back and neck, the depressions would be less. So far not. But I am hopeful that if I can get a grip on the reality of the situation, that I will get better, that I can have the happiness that I had before.

I had no target before my past improvement. I did not know what happiness could be. I had surrendered to the depression because I knew nothing else. Now I know I have been happy just last month.

I will get better.

God says that he will perfect all that concerns me. I have to keep this in the forefront as I heal.

There is more to life than depression. Most people would say duh. But when it is in your face 24/7 you get so deep into your pain that you can not see around it. Replace thoughts that are depressive with thoughts of God's love and the depression lessens.

11/20/11
I believe that the above accident has brought on severe allergic reactions that have put me out of work for nearly three weeks. I have gone back on medications, two allergy medications and two antidepressants. Check blog posts around this date.

inhibitor of serotonin production

serotoP-chlorophenylalanine is an inhibitor of serotonin. Phenylalanine is in every soda, energy drink, power aid. I have been drinking those things all my life.
http://www.biopsychiatry.com/magnesium.html
Interesting reading on caffeine:
http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_mOISW/is_249/ai_114820684/
Another finding on caffeine thanks to the site www.caffeineweb.com
Caffeine also exacerbates the symptoms of patients suffering from organic non-caffeine-induced mental illness.
A light has been turned on in the dark path out of depression.

serotonin and magnesium THE connection!

I think I have found a major link to my depression: I know that I am magnesium deficient.
My mom was struggling with cramps in her hands. has done so for many years. I know that I and my brother suffer from migraines. I have restless leg syndrome and muscle twitches.
All of these are symptoms of magnesium deficiency. This AM I find THIS! http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&ct=res&cd=4&url=http%3A%2F%2Fborntoexplore.org%2Fneurochem.htm&ei=_7wGSuaQMs-Etwes54GIBw&rct=j&q=serotonin+++magnesium%2C&usg=AFQjCNHzBLHeauwaPvtaOSuUCbatiNpF7A
Now I am finally one more step towards chemical balance. Also any type of stress, physical, emotional decreases the serotonin.
Magnesium also is a blood thinner.So are the Omega 3 essential fatty acids. In order to prepare for my colonoscopy I have had to stop all blood thinners. Knowing that my serotonin levels would drop I have upped my antidepressants. As of right now mentally I am doing better. But the aches in the muscles are present. Serotonin is also in the muscles as well.
The next question: is there another chemical action that stops the absorption of magnesium?

Got through Christmas Rush

I started taking the paxil again(on Dec 3), as stated in the last post.This put me at 200 provigal,15 paxil, 60 cymbalta VNS at 1.25 every 2.5 hours). The paxil was restarted at 15mg. This increasing of the amount of serotonin stopped the migraines. During the vacation I was active and moving around more than usual. I stuffed myself daily and ate every night before bed. I began taking the restless leg syndrome drug regularly. I notice with less stress the implant seems to cause me to burn more calories. Not necessarily through action, but sped up metabolism. It also allows me to get more done, mentally as well. I am more willing to do more stuff and combine tasks, and have energy even after that. I can depend on the level of energy. This pleases me to no end.
During the vacation Cheryl called me and told me that Dr. Rivera now had all that he needed to start up therapy again. I made an appointment for Tues. Jan 13th.
As I weighed myself after the vacation, I had only gained three pounds. As I went back to work and stress increased I gained weight eating less than on vacation. So more stress decreases the effect of the implant. Dah. But I was able to handle the stress with out the anxiety and depression coming on. I worked 57 hours in six days, straight, no days off. Only tired on the last day. No depression. Before the implant and on far more medications ( 200 provigal,60 paxil, 50 thoridiazine, 60 cymbalta) I could only work 32 hours in a 5 day period.
I am scheduled to have a scan on the liver,  enzymes are denoting possible problems.
I am going to diet and exercise in the new year to stop the cholesterol and oncoming sugar problems.

The Reason for the Migraines

Spoke to a pharmacist last night and found out that migraines are caused by a lack of serotonin. So I need an adjustment to the device or go back up on the medications. This is only logical. I will contact  Dr. Riveria, and if necessary, Cyberonics to see what we can do to get relief from the headaches and a small amount of depression.
Another thing that is causing the stress is the amount of illnesses that I have had.
First the teeth and then the water in the ears thing. Since July I have had issues of the teeth and then the infection in the ears.
The teeth are healed, but I will go back to the dentist in Jan. to have the crown put on the tooth. The tooth that I am speaking of is the second one since July. It is drawn out do to healing time and money. I will need perhaps two more teeth fixed in the coming year. (It ended up being my entire set of teeth, upper and lower were filed down and capped with porcelain crown.-editor)
Doctor Rudiman, my gastro person, has seen blood work that he is concerned about and wants me in to take a CT of the liver. The liver enzymes again.We will work on this in Jan. (The antidepressants were constantly causing the liver enzymes to fluctuate.-editor)

Another Downturn

The last adjustment on the implant was about a month ago. Many stressful things have happened since then. The first two weeks I was feeling the tingling in the brain most of the time. (Tingling in the lower left rear quadrant of the brain has happen for many years. It now happens after prayer, singing, using traction on the neck, all releasing chemicals, perhaps serotonin-editor) Then I had a period of time that I was constantly on the move and did not have a minute to myself for about two weeks. Then the tiredness started, it lasted for two days and then the anxiety came full blown and then the depression. I will say that the depression was not as deep. This was the first time since the implant was turned on that I had a full blown episode. but at least I knew that with the implant it would decrease within hours. Knowing that really helped. I still am not totally back, but it is much better with each day. If I get stressed during the day the anxiety comes, but I can control it with my thoughts.

nicktimeflyer.com

cafepress.com/bubbledreams

thesilhouetteshop.yolasite.com

A call in the night

Got home last night to find the doctor's number on the voice mail. Dr. Corbyon. And a call from Cheryl. I have everything set up, but there might be a hitch some where. So today I will call.
Taking more of the medications has helped immensely but I know it will be at a cost later on. At least the thoughts of bloody knives and car accidents have stopped. Migraines are still here daily. I have stopped crying on a daily basis.
I listened to the support call on this past Tuesday. I have gained some hope.
Another thing that helps me is that I tell myself stories that I make up on the spot. I do this on the ride home from work. Stories of adventure, sci-fi, fantasy. Some are stories that mirror what is going on in my life. Some are pure fantasy. It diverts the mind, enhances the creative mind and in so doing releases serotonin. By the time I get home, I feel great. This is while I am on four meds. I can imagine what it would like without the meds. No thoughts other than horror scenes and terror screams.
I think the provigil is doing a stress number on my heart. I seem to have a little pain that I can not explain right over that area since I upped the dosage.
My upper back is in stress, all knotted up. I know that the meds help control the level of stress that I feel in the body and they control the fibermyalgia that I have because of the depression, but why, on a higher dose are the knots in the back not controlled?
I still have food cravings as well. Junk food rules, starchy, salty, anything goes.
At least I am not at the chocolate stage. When nothing helps but chocolate, God help me. Chocolate triggers, I believe, serotonin, or one of the amino acids that makes up what I need in the brain. but by the time that strikes me I am pretty low.

nicktimeflyer.com

cafepress.com/bubbledreams

thesilhouetteshop.yolasite.com

Another contact

Jennifer Bette called me today and stated that the out of pocket expense would be about 5000 dollars and there were some other costs that she has to nail down. There would be at least 1000 dollars in deductible to pay as well. for me anything under 10000 would be a go. Of course, the less the better. So it took a month to get this information. And it came with a stipulation that there are a few more costs as yet unknown. I swear that I almost went to the newspaper and was going to let them know that the hospital staff was uncooperative, and ineffective at best. We shall see.
I called Cheryl and let her know that Jennifer finally called and thanked her for help. We still have to get through the implantation and activation of the device.
Dr. Corbyons appointment is for 2/14/08. He will at that time go over a few more things, and then we will set the appointment for the procedure. I am not so sure about why this appointment is necessary, we will see.
I am trying to realize that this procedure will not be a panacea for the thought patterns that persist. I have OCD thoughts, thoughts of terrible sins for which I will be rejected from heaven(?) Just plain stupid continuous thoughts, but they are not there when I am up. So I know somehow that they are connected. Whether it is caused by lack of serotonin or one of the other nerotransmitters, OCD thoughts are insidious and just a part of the condition.
Also memory is impaired. I can write to someone on one day and completely forget about it just the next day. This happens everyday all day long with just about everything in my life. Perhaps this procedure will help the memories come back.
I can see a movie and not remember any of it just a few weeks afterwords. Maybe this is common when the movie is a dud. But this happens almost with every thing I engage in.
Self esteem has always been a problem, and now at 52 it seems that I have developed a compassionate inner voice that is at times small, but it is growing. this is important, for if you can not accept that your mind, your mental part is deffective your self esteem falters. And you crumble. People on the outside can not see that you are incompassitated, for physically you are whole. So there can't be anything wrong with you. If you appear "up" in your dealings with people it doesn't matter that you
are on 5 different medications just to get along,so that you can work, and not cry and not dwell on suicidal thoughts all the time.

nicktimeflyer.com

cafepress.com/bubbledreams

thesilhouetteshop.yolasite.com

Letter to Edna

Thank you for your last email.
I walk every day and eat more fruit and veggies each day. Only one day at a time and no "it could have been, or should have been, or would have been" comments about anything in life. Life is just that. The "now" and how one perceives it. One can't become consumed about thoughts of bloody knives and family members in in tragic accidents, for as scary as this is, and it comes unbidden, it has happened before and nothing has come of it. So what if I cried all day and stopped just the hour before, I may be exhausted emotionally and can even feel spent physically from the emotional out pouring, but it is over with and get on with life. I can't become consumed with the past I must live now.
John gave me a massager pillow that I just adore. I over did it and am sore. But it does help to rid the body of stress.
You get on with your bad self in your musical endeavors. It trains your brain to think creatively. This helps in everything your do. It also releases serotonin in the brain, because, believe it or not, I can feel it when it happens to me. That is why artists love to create things.

nicktimeflyer.com

cafepress.com/bubbledreams

thesilhouetteshop.yolasite.com