Showing posts with label cocktail. Show all posts
Showing posts with label cocktail. Show all posts

Saturday, January 19, 2008

The call from Jennifer Bette

We finally made contact with each other.It has been fully one month since I made contact with the hospital to ask the question of how much. She said that the surgery would be 5000, but she had a few more costs to nail down. This is a way for her not to be pinned down to the figure of 5000.
Maybe I'm wrong. But for it to take this long to get a price, and that price not really complete, well, can we say that she knows I have to go through her hospital to get it through insurance so she has me hooked anyway. Boy what great customer service.
I called Dr. Corbyon's office to schedule the next appointment. This means a road trip on Feb. 14th for another consult and then the surgery on the 26th of that same month.
The cocktail of drugs that I am on just barely keeps me going. Wanting to cry sometimes, for no reason, seeing in my thoughts a paring knife slitting my arm and blood, are just some of the thoughts. I also dwell on family members dying. And what if senarios that drive me nuts. I back off and mentally know that I can't live like that. What happens, happens. It's the blood and crying, and the wanting to run away from it all that gets me.
I know I have it good. On the outside. Good family, and work, and friends. On the inside I go through the blood, the desparate scenes of devastation, and the loss of hope for any change. The lag time for a return call and information on the price is just typical of how the drugs treat me. They lag and come up short when under stress. So I have to try to eliminate as much stress as possible. This is hard, because everything is a stressor of some sort.