Other Health Issues

I thought that I had, through a different type of medication( for bipolar, and not just depression) and a new doctor that I had gotten the disease under control. Well, I had always said that if I had to have pain that I would rather have physical pain and not mental.
Well, now the two are combined and that is a blow. But I have also learn in the depressed times in the past that if I get my mind off of the depression through, say, singing along with positive songs on the Christian radio station, the depression will lift. It does work.
I think that singing along with positive music does two things:

• Makes you come out of the current thought pattern(s) that you are struggling with and

• focuses your thoughts on the bigger issues in life. Like peace and the light that is in life inherently. It is there, whether you can feel it in your thoughts or not.....

Medication can make you see this more clearly. But there is a stronger presence in believing in something bigger than you.  Depression when viewed bigger than you will win over you. Ask Some One (God) to take away that pain (depression) by giving it every minute to HIM. Every time the problem (depression) comes, look towards the light and just believe that HE has taken the discontent onto HIS shoulders. HE is bigger than you. HE can handle anything. Some times it takes years to realize this. Faith wavers. Depression will come and go because it is the way you have always reacted to the situations that your life is full of. THINK ON THIS. At least it will be a different way of thinking, and depression is a selfish way of thinking. I know I still have the pattern of depressive thoughts haunting me, and it is hard. When the problems wash over me I have to give my thoughts to HIM, let HIM deal with it.
Whether you are religious or not, you have to know that there is a larger thing out in life that can lift you. You did not make nature, God did, you are selfish to turn away from what is true.

Well I know that was a rant on God, it deserves to be looked into. There is something bigger than your problems.

Mood Disorder

Since last writing I have been given the go ahead to try lamictal. It is a drug that I am severely thankful for. It melts on your tongue and so it is in your system far sooner than any other drug that I have been on. I am also on abilify and wellbutrin.
My psychiatrist says it is a mood disorder, but did not mention bipolar. Maybe it is not as severe as the latter. But it is helping me to get things off my chest and calm things down emotionally and give me some peace. I am now not so anxious about my putting my foot down about certain things and not to much ruminating on it afterward. The things have bothered me emotionally for some time. As I am feeling less anxious about things in general, I feel that it has helped me greatly to have this drug. 

Resources for Depression

In entering the mental hospital one gains the realization, that hey, I really need help. This is no DUH, I mean the reality slaps you in the face that you are sick and these people realize that you need to have it right away. They will not turn and walk away from you to let you try to clime out of the pit yourself. When I went in the first time in October, I was so depressed that I slept most of the time. No interest in even trying to get back to normal. I just knew that the medication had to have time to work and I needed rest and time. The second time I was already on a drug, though it did not do the full trick for me, I was better. I also determined to get resources-telephone numbers and into programs that would help me. I located several:

• liveandworkwell.com This is associated with  my United Behavioral Health program from my employer. But most health insurance programs from employers have a mental health program. I got on the site without any of my insurance information  being used, so an outsider person can go for the information that the site has.
• www.nimh.nih.gov National Institute of Mental Health
• www.aacap.org American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry
• www.dbsa.org Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance
• Dailing 211 on your phone. Here in Florida the government has instituted a help line for a host of problems, one of those problems is a suicide prevention line. 
• National Suicide Prevention LIfeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
• Local mental hospitals usually  have a crisis line that one can call when one is suicidal or on the road to those feeling. Get that number and put it with your other resources to use when one is at the breaking point. Local number for Central Florida is 407-264-7676. This is the number for the Crisis Line at the hospital that I went to.
• www.nami.org National Alliance on Mental Illness.
• www.covermymeds.com  helps physicians and pharmacists complete Prior Authorization and other insurance coverage determination forms for any drug and almost all drug plans.

Things Much better

I feel much better, less tense, mood is up, migraine lights ring my vision. Maybe I am bipolar? Or maybe stuff just over loads me and I go down about every 7-10 days? I am back up and am singing and concentration is better. It seems to come over me once every 7 to 10 days and it has been doing this for years.
My goal is to limit my sleep to just what ever I get at night. Eliminate the nap.I know that it is a small goal, but I have done it before and feel I can do it now eventually .
I am constantly battling the depression and the OCD, and would like to break out of the mold and start thinking of others more. But I am in so much pain mentally. It has been better since the implant. The way I like to describe the pain is what one feels when one has a romantic break up, but multiplied about 100 times. Or what one feels when one can't remember a happy moment, ever.

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