Locked out!

I was locked out of my blogger account some months ago. It was a mix up in the information needed to log on.
I am now on 125mg of Anafranil and 300 mg of Lamictal. 2.5mg of Abilify.  Through trial and error my doctor has come to the conclusion that SSRI's do not work for me. I was weened off that type of medication and went on the above about six months ago.
It has worked wonders. The medications have actually changed the thoughts passing through the brain. It has stopped the OCD to the point that I can see things more clearly and accept that things are not as negative as I interpret them to be. One of the thoughts that I have had constantly is that I must control every little detail in my life. If I could not control it, money, bills, health etc my anxiety would multiply and then I would go into depression. These meds have brought me to a point that I can see how the OCD and depression have controlled me all my life.
Also I am on a walk with Jesus now. One thing that I know is that as I turn over the needs of my life to the Lord He gives me a sense of peace. I know the medications are working on me as well. But to have a sense of relief when I pray is getting stronger and stronger. Little things are happening to me day by day. I am beginning to turn everything over to God. And the bills are getting paid. And I am beginning to realize that I am not alone in the struggle with the disease. I am not here to be judged by others and myself and come up lacking. I am a child of God, a new creation, a unique one with no comparison to  anyone or anything else.

                               REALLY!

Thought Bubbles: Stone God?

My degree is in art history. I always thought that the stone images of gods from the stone age all the way to modern times-primitive tribal art- were quaint, but really gave no more thought to them. Maybe a study of the form, or how the artist and the style merged to create that piece of art.

Then, well, this relationship that I am - or God is- developing in me, speaks of intimacy that far outstrips the feelings of a dead piece of stone, wood or plastic, or metal. Of course those "gods" survive in the present in the form of plastics (credit cards), wood (household furnishings), stone,( representing buildings, homes) metal (cars). All things that the true God has made, so why not seek a true relationship with Him?

Any relationship takes so much to develop. Time, patience, feelings, emotions are involved with every relationship. He doesn't expect perfection, that is what He sent Jesus for. We, we get the benefit of that relationship that Jesus has with his Father. To believe in Jesus, God, and the Spirit, well it is like being adopted by the most loving, forgiving family that could ever be. But it is a relationship, you have to be honest, true and caring with God, so that you get the benefit that God wants to give to the relationship.

Much more than a stone sculpture from the past. Much more than the empty pursuit of chasing after material things.

Thought Bubbles

In choosing Jesus, one makes the ultimate choice. My boss once said: pay the cost up front for the best, you will get life long service that way. Or words to that effect. Choose the One that loved you so much that He gave His life for you, that way you get life long service on a product(salvation) that doesn't crap out on you. Excuse the term "crap out", but it is the term that fits here the best. He said He would never leave: you always must engage in the relationship to make it work, like any relationship!
Passages from the bible were written by eyewitnesses to the things they were writing about.



thesilhouetteshop.yolasite.com

Thought Bubbles: One Year after

When dealing with the ongoing struggles and uphill battles that life brings us one has to remember that those of us that have gone on before are all ready there with Jesus. The coming month is the anniversary of my niece's death. She suffered depression and we still don't know what she died from, but not from suicide.
That we live now in the present with God, the Great I AM. It is a present designation, here and now. In depression this is what matters. To concentrate on here and now. Not yesterday in the horror of the anxiety and depression attack that happened, or tomorrow in what the weather may bring ( for I suffer many allergies, some weather induced-mold allergies), but the now. It is now that God IS. So take heart, I will fight for the now, for that is all that I have strength for, and all that I was made for.

thesilhouetteshop.yolasite.com

www.nicktimeflyer.com

jkmatthews100

Thought Bubbles: Spiritual Healing

Ramona, who works at Dr. Dan's took me to Fresh on the Fly on Oct 23rd, an organic restuarant in Lk. Mary. We started the conversation about my art, and then she told me of her fight and victory over depression. She had asked the Lord to come into her life. She was full of depression, suicidal, and was about to leave this plane when she gave in to the call of the Holy Spirit.
She said it started out in her toes and went up her body, and out through her head. A great weight had lifted from her body. This was thirty years ago. Great peace came into her, a great love flooded her soul.
I thought of this and asked Jesus to come into my life as well. I had in the past thought that all this type of spiritual stuff was a mind game. It is not. A being, a human being is spiritual being, physical being, emotional being. This was just another part of me that was sick. I needed a Spiritual Healing. I received one that day at that table in that cafe. I am still growing, healing and being lead towards more life, love than ever before.

Thought Bubbles: Spiritual Aspect

Some friends prayed over me and gave me some things to think about. The depression is darkness, Jesus is the light. The Spirit is in us. The Spirit is God. Concentrate on what is light, and all else that is the depression is lies. Yes, just lies, not God. Do not listen to lies. For God loves you and will not forsake you, never, no matter how bad it gets He will never leave you, never. Just hold on.