Dr. Corbyons Appointment Nurse, Pam

Pam has given me the skinny. She said that she forgot to write it down in the book that we had changed it. She said that she would take care of it. I gave her my credit card number and she will hand it off to the billing person.
Next step is a one o'clock appointment for out patient pre-op, then another appointment at the surgeon's office at 3:30. Since I had to wait for ever the last time I saw him, I will take a book and artwork to keep me busy. This doctor has no concept of other people's time. Period.
Now I will look up how to get to the hospital (Deland, FL) and to the outpatient area at the hospital.
Extreme fatigue and drowsiness.  One eye on the computer,  the other eye closes in a state of fatigue.

Scheduling screw-up

There has been some kind of scheduling mishap with the surgeons office and I am endeavoring to straighten it out. Called them this morning and got put into the voice mail system. So hurry up and wait.
Medication failure yesterday. No motivation to do anything. Slept for 3 hours. Ate nothing but cereals and cookies and chocolate. What a bummer to the diet. Today I will have another go at it.
I believe that the job itself is very stressful. Noise beyond belief, crying babies, fireworks all combine to make it very loud and aggravating. Distractions and interruptions as well. Over the years I have tried to develop a tolerance for the situation, but it has not worked and I need to address this problem. I think that the situation would be nearly the same in any other job. Different place for work, different stressors would emerge and I would have that environment to deal with.
Maybe after the implant I will see things a bit differently, don't know, and really don't expect it.

Another contact

Jennifer Bette called me today and stated that the out of pocket expense would be about 5000 dollars and there were some other costs that she has to nail down. There would be at least 1000 dollars in deductible to pay as well. for me anything under 10000 would be a go. Of course, the less the better. So it took a month to get this information. And it came with a stipulation that there are a few more costs as yet unknown. I swear that I almost went to the newspaper and was going to let them know that the hospital staff was uncooperative, and ineffective at best. We shall see.
I called Cheryl and let her know that Jennifer finally called and thanked her for help. We still have to get through the implantation and activation of the device.
Dr. Corbyons appointment is for 2/14/08. He will at that time go over a few more things, and then we will set the appointment for the procedure. I am not so sure about why this appointment is necessary, we will see.
I am trying to realize that this procedure will not be a panacea for the thought patterns that persist. I have OCD thoughts, thoughts of terrible sins for which I will be rejected from heaven(?) Just plain stupid continuous thoughts, but they are not there when I am up. So I know somehow that they are connected. Whether it is caused by lack of serotonin or one of the other nerotransmitters, OCD thoughts are insidious and just a part of the condition.
Also memory is impaired. I can write to someone on one day and completely forget about it just the next day. This happens everyday all day long with just about everything in my life. Perhaps this procedure will help the memories come back.
I can see a movie and not remember any of it just a few weeks afterwords. Maybe this is common when the movie is a dud. But this happens almost with every thing I engage in.
Self esteem has always been a problem, and now at 52 it seems that I have developed a compassionate inner voice that is at times small, but it is growing. this is important, for if you can not accept that your mind, your mental part is deffective your self esteem falters. And you crumble. People on the outside can not see that you are incompassitated, for physically you are whole. So there can't be anything wrong with you. If you appear "up" in your dealings with people it doesn't matter that you
are on 5 different medications just to get along,so that you can work, and not cry and not dwell on suicidal thoughts all the time.

nicktimeflyer.com

cafepress.com/bubbledreams

thesilhouetteshop.yolasite.com