Risperdal

I am having dreams in which I am very active, talking or moving. The dreams are about escape, running in fear away from something that fills me with terror.  But I do stand and fight.  I have awoke with the words 'CHECK YOUR WEAPONS' coming from my lips. 

I have for years clenched and ground my teeth, and I wear a teeth guard. I have begun picking at sores on my thighs and buttocks. I pick my ears most of each day. These are nervous anxious habits.

I wake up early in the morning  and  when I get past that drowsy stage I write. On my current book, or on what is happening to me. Then as I get tired I slowly sink back asleep.

I have my highest anxiety when I am at work and when I am driving to and from anywhere.

There is a burning in my chest at first.  I counter with a deep breathing exercise. After a while of this anxiety the depression comes on. Some times I can control it through the deep breathing, but that is getting harder to do.  Typical scenes that appear in my imagination are things akin to dogs biting me, relatives or myself having a road accident. 

Last night I went to bed depressed, and am now struggling with not going deeper into the depression. At least at this time I am not overly critical about it, that this whole situation is my fault. I did that for years. When I get into that mode I suffer the most. 

Dreams

I can usually tell when the drugs I am taking are either not the right strength, or are not working. I have awoke to dreams that seem terror filled. And yet the actual subject matter is benign . I wake up to feelings of It has happened again.
At three in the morning I awake. Again I am trying to use suggestions, positive affirmations to help de-program my overly tired brain. I am trying to come off of Colonapren and down on risperdal simultaneously . Not a great picture.  Half a sleep when I write, but do so anyway to get angst out about the early risings .
I have restless movement of trunk and legs as well . Try to sleep, does not relieve the problem.  Seems to me that this was the same problem the last time.
The the naggings of the Chiropractor come to mind. Put anything into the body and you affect it's normal function.

I decided very shortly afterward that I would go back up on the tranquilizer and the risperdal. I am  happier, less frightened, though I still go through bouts of anxiety. It is as if my brain once it has walked down the path of anxiety and depression has trained itself to run down that path when I am reacting to most anything. But there are certain things that trigger it more than other things.
Travel, especially in cars, and working doing my job. Both things I have done all my life. So what is it? The psychiatrist says that I need to have my mind filled with creative happy thoughts. When driving I am better when distracted with singing with the radio or just listening to it. When it is slow at work is when the anxiety is worse.

ACCEPTANCE IS HARD

Since going on Abilify insomnia is a constant companion. I messed up and took a tranquilizer at the wrong time of day at the wrong dosage. In an effort to get some 'useful' time out of the day, I took a risperdal in the late after noon. WRONG! Thing to do. 36 hours later my body is still messed up. 
The risperdal caused insomnia, causing over tiredness causing a weakness that started an anxiety attack. 
When the attack happens, it is not a panic attack. It starts with a feeling in the chest that feels like heartburn. If I start in with slow deep breaking the anxiety can be delayed. If I start with this(anxiety) in the morning by early afternoon I will have depression. The chemicals in anxiety will push the brain into depression.
I think that I am developing agoraphobia. I am safe inside the house,that is if the house doesn't fall in on me. But safer here than all the other places and scenarios in my life. I still dwell and ruminate on horrific (at least to me) things. 
The Chiropractor says that my atlas bone is severely out of place. It is twisted and possibly tilted. We do not know if this is from the 5/5/11 accident or if I had it before. No x rays at that angle to determine that were taken before the accident. The X-rays before the accident were taken at a certain angle, not the angles of these latests shots. That is the difference. I can not prove that the accident has worsened the depression through external tests, but it did and has.. But I signed a waiver and can't get any more money. Acceptance of the way that this disease effects me is the worse part of this disease right now. 

In the mix!

It seems that the mixture of all the drugs seems to be slowly working. I am more productive in the artwork, writing and blogging. I have a good level of energy through out the day for projects in the evening and in the mornings as well. A reminder of what the mixture is here
http://draft.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=3729535059627039435#editor/target=post;postID=137343103729171494
I realize that I go up and down in this battle. I am not bipolar, just that I go in and out of depression. Certainly as well in anxiety, It is just that when I am up I have several projects I would like to do.
Projects in art , writing and sculpture (see last post!)

New Drugs

Current Drugs
Abilify at 2.5 mg
Luvox at 300 mg
wellbutin at 300 mg
clonazepam at .5 mg
risperdal 2.5

I am going to try abilify again. I told Saavedra that I had trouble last time, just a few months ago.

Low Again

I have been on Luvox for about three weeks and reducing the anafranil. I feel really low right now. I usually don't try the share the low points of this depression in order not bring others to the same point. It is to record how I feel at what point with what medications so that in the future I will make some process on this journey.
Frankly, I do not remember if after twenty years whether or not I have taken this drug before. I would remember if I have kept a blog that long ago.
I am having problems with welbutrin. I believe that it is making the sole of my right foot sore. Medications at present are

• Luvox at two hundred
• Risperdal at .5x2 per day
• Welbutrin at three hundred a day

I am also on singular and claritin as well for allergies. Sometimes I feel that what I am going through with the allergies is affected by the high anxiety I am having. Sometimes I am so fearful of accidents on the road that riding with another person driving is beginning to get on my nerves. Can't let that happen, will lose job.

Medication Dip

In the search to find the right med combination, I am frequently dealing with inadequate levels of the drugs that would slow down the rampant anxiety that I seem to have most of the time. This morning is not so bad and I can create which produces serotonin and that stabilizes me. That is the saving grace of creation, that it does produce directly the one chemical that I need, serotonin, Right now I am going up on Luvox and down on anafranil. Here are to other drugs that I am on right now:    

• Risperdal at .5 mg two times a day, morning and night.
• Wellbutrin at 300 mg once a day, morning
• Luvox, eventually a 150 once a day
• Anafranil at 25 mg once in the morning
• Claritin at 10 mg 
• Singular at 10 mg

So since the hospital visit late 2011 I have been on six different meds and am still trying to find the right  combination. I really do not think that one is available for me and this condition. But at least I am getting some relief from the above combination. I can tell, besides the anxiety and depression when the drugs are working. Dreams are different and my lower jaw is more relaxed and I am more alert.

This morning I feel like writing. I am writing a novel along the lines of an Indiana Jones plot. It is a good mental exercise and creative as well. It is the easiest way to get serotonin in the brain quickly.
Then there is sculpture. I have a bent with caricatures and I love to see them in the 3D versions in my head. So to anyone searching to manage the depression or anxiety that you are having, try being creative and lessen up on that critical eye you might have and enjoy what ever you can create whether cooking, photography, writing, sculpture. It doesn't matter the quality of the product that you create, it is the process of creating that matters. Do not be critical of what you create, it is the process of creating that is the medicine here.                  

DNA Testing for "Correct" Drug Usage

I had a DNA test done by my psychiatrist and had variations in four genes. Two genes marked me for depression two marked me for other dangerous things. One was vulnerability to euphoric effects of drugs of abuse and the second was the possibility of weight gain with one of my drugs, risperdal.  What the test was for was to find our what medications would best suit me. Fortunately the psychiatrist had already put me on the drugs that the findings of the test suggested. This test was done with saliva and sent to a lab in PA. Web address genomind.com

OCD and Depression:My Life

I have been relatively quiet on the blog these last few weeks. Mainly assessing the diagnoses of my latest psychiatrist. And getting used to the drugs once again.

• Wellbutrin 300 mg
• anafranil 125 mg
•  risperdal .5 Two times a day
 

I am slowly pulling up and out of the depressive circular thought patterns. Slowly.

What happens is that I find a thought and fixate on it, make it a scary thought in anyway that I can, and then run that thought over and over again, rampping up the anxiety. Then I see no way out of the situation and go into depression.This, as I look at my life,  has always been. I am now reading David Burn's Mood Therapy. It is about Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. This is what  my psychiatrist suggested that I needed to learn about and to use this therapy to pull out of the OCD.

New Mix of Medications

I was diagnosed with OCD sometime back>knew I had it for sometime. Now I am 25 pounds heavier that when I started on anafranil and risperdal and another tranquilizer. The mix is for the high level of anxiety that I am currently suffering. The risperdal will make women lactate. and the doctor  is taking me off of the drug and has put me on wellbutrin. So now I am at 125 mg anafranil and wellbutrin, at 150mg 12H.
The anafranil was causing drowsiness and I have been hitting the energy drinks hard and the chocolate for the  craving for sweets that the anafranil is giving me.
But the allergy shots for the pollen, dust, dust mites, rag weed are working somewhat. I am at the top level and when I got my first shot the other day the welt was a big a a silver dollar, then later that day as big as two silver dollars, almost 6 inches long, and 3 wide. I was told to take another antihistamine and by the next morning the crisis was under control.

Research on Singulair and Xyzal

Dear Herb, 

I have stopped the Allegra, but continue on Xyzal, Singulair, and Wal-dryl (a generic form of Benadryl).   As the allergy shots increase in effectiveness  the need for the antihistamines will go down. What does your wife use to control  her allergies?The allergy doctor is at the present trying to reduce the amount of drugs that I am on. My psychiatrist says that environmental toxins,ie dust, dust mites, pollen, grasses etc. can cause depression and after a round of allergy shots that I should be able to reduce, or stop the antidepressants. 

Right now I have a huge anxiety problem with it and am taking risperdal to counter that. My job is outside and I almost panic to go outside for long periods of time. One day at a time. The shots are to reach their effective stage about March 16th.

Any suggestions?

I am now looking up Singulair and found out that it can cause suicidal thoughts and depression. I stopped it today and will monitor the results. I also see that Xyzal can cause anxiety.

Post Hospital-Again

I was in the psychiatric ward again. The cymbalta was not doing the whole job. The stay was from 12/27/11 to 12/31/11. They gave me risperdal at .5mg twice daily. This was wonderful at first. But as I reentered the outside world, my sleeping took a nose dive. The anxiety increased 10 fold and the allergies magnified. I checked the air filter in the AC system and it was filthy and I replaced it last night.
At one AM I had not slept again for the second night. I went  to Walgreens and got some melatonin product that is called Sweet Slumber made by Schiff. This did pretty well until I woke up with a racing heart about three AM. It took about 5 minutes for it to calm down and I went back to sleep. This is scary enough for me to seek medical advice. I took the Sweet Slumber because the pharmacist said it would be alright to do so after I told him about the antihistamines and antidepressants. When I got home the inside label said that depressives should not take the product.
I want medical advice. I need sleep and the allergies are keeping me up, agitated and irritated. I will go to the allergy doctor to day for a shot and I will move the next appointment to the next available date. I must have relief!