Low Again

I have been on Luvox for about three weeks and reducing the anafranil. I feel really low right now. I usually don't try the share the low points of this depression in order not bring others to the same point. It is to record how I feel at what point with what medications so that in the future I will make some process on this journey.
Frankly, I do not remember if after twenty years whether or not I have taken this drug before. I would remember if I have kept a blog that long ago.
I am having problems with welbutrin. I believe that it is making the sole of my right foot sore. Medications at present are

• Luvox at two hundred
• Risperdal at .5x2 per day
• Welbutrin at three hundred a day

I am also on singular and claritin as well for allergies. Sometimes I feel that what I am going through with the allergies is affected by the high anxiety I am having. Sometimes I am so fearful of accidents on the road that riding with another person driving is beginning to get on my nerves. Can't let that happen, will lose job.

Caroline at Aetna Behavior Health

A bubbly voice who's owner's name is Caroline called and left her number. After four return calls I wonder if the bubbly is in her head. She has left the line dangling. I am proceeding as if all is cool. I called Dr. Fig and told him that I had to go up to 150ml of the drug Cymbalta. He said that I could not do that and to return to the 120ml level. I asked what I should do once the depression returns. He said I would have my ups and downs. I am fed up with a doctor that has never had depression before. down means images of bloody knives, accidents, relatives dying, anger, irritability, floods of tears and much concern over sanity. So I upped the dosage of another drug. Just a wee bit. I can hide it better. Yes this is not right. But when is the desire for sanity not right. Possible liver damage. But relief from the bizarre thoughts and the crushing"brain hurt".
Brain hurt is a term that I've come to use to describe the get me outta here, this is insane, @#$%& it's here again feeling. It's much more than the last sentence can describe. It's hopelessness that nothing can do anything for me, it is anger that people close to me can not see it. They see me after the tears are dry, once a week for an hour or two. Yes, I can hide it too. Specially to people who don't want to hear about it anyway. I take more medications, and the pit moves away, for a little while.

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