Pills or Chiropractic Deals

In an effort to help myself in my quest to be free from this depression and anxiety I have studied hypnosis, and meditation and different religions including Buddhism and Wicca.  I have bought supplements of all kinds, in some cases the best that the market has produced at a high price, to boot. I have a VNS implant-which did help at the beginning, and perhaps still does. Diet was improved and I lost a hugh amount of weight, good for my overall health. I have sought alternative medicines and treatments to help. All in an effort to find a way to conquer the anxiety and depression that literally controls my entire life. I am now back on meds after almost two years of being off and I must say that I am doing better now than I was just six months ago. I have yet to tell my chiropractor that I do not want to continue with his adjustments and that I have felt that I have belong to a cult these last two years that I have followed the chiropractic life style.
Yes, much of it is just good, old common sense, and I will keep what makes sense and will not be as heavy as I once was. Although since Jan. I have gained about twenty five pounds. I am dealing with that. Still exercising on a six day schedule-it makes me feel good, so I will do it. But  it must come to a head with the chiropractor, because I feel he brow beats me by telling me that the medication is wrong for me. That I am just killing myself early. Maybe so, but to belittle my decision and do it regularly, I will not have it. I can a least work now and get more accomplished, and be happier as I do it.
I have an employer that knows that I am a depressive and knows that I am trying to live with it to the best of my abilities. I have worked for them almost thirty years now and have had ups and downs with them, but mostly up. And they are concerned with my health as well. So I will stay to the very end ( retirement) if they will have me.
I would like to investigate the treatment of rTMS. Usage of magnetic current through the upper front portion of the brain. It is supposed to help the brain regenerate the dendrites that transmit the neurotransmitters. But I will know more after some reading.
I have just re-read my own blog and found that because I have a VNS device, I can not try rTMS.

Antibiotics are Bad

It seems that the two antibiotics (erytromycin and cipro) that have been tried cause me to shift into depression. I have a new way to calm down my restless sleep. I am telling myself to sleep peacefully, to sleep deeply. This is new, so I have to test it for sometime before I know if it is working in all circumstances. (I studied hypnosis in the early 90's, meditation later, this is one technique from both disciplines. -edtior)(Antibiotics were a part of the problem, they destroyed the digestion and immunity in the system, driving me into the depression deeper and deeper. I also may have been having an allergic reaction to the drugs as well.-editor)

nicktimeflyer.com

cafepress.com/bubbledreams

thesilhouetteshop.yolasite.com

Walgreens Mistake

The medication foul up was that Walgreens miscounted the tablets and shorted me two weeks of meds. It scared me at the time because if they hadn't owned up to the mistake it would have cost me hundreds of dollars. That's another reason to switch to another method to control this disease of the mind.
This depression causes me to have a short temper. For years I ceaselessly berated myself for not having the patience that one should have for the small things in life. This is a part of how the disease is intertwined with my assessment of my self worth. I have searched the Bible, self help gurus, Buddhism, Wicca, hypnois, meditation(regular and sound vibration induced) Eckencar(a kind of religion), psychoanalysis, The Sedona Method, and am still searching for some kind of path. I am praying now and feel the presence of God. But the question still remains: why me?
So the answer is 'it just is' and to deal with it. Period.

nicktimeflyer.com

cafepress.com/bubbledreams

thesilhouetteshop.yolasite.com

Family's Reaction

I had hoped that of all the people in my circle that would understand my plight would be my brother, John. I love and respect him and honor the fact that more than likely he will always be there for me. He has steadily maintained that if I just eat right, exercise, and pray and learn to balance stress that everything would be OK. To a certain extent I can see his point. I have been doing that very thing for the last six months and over the years that this has affected me I,  have tried all sorts of combinations of food, meditation, medications, prayer, exercise and psychotherapies that I could afford. I am by no means perfect in following all these programs either when they are combined or separate. But, I'm going through yet another down turn at this time.
I just would like to point out if I had a viewable handicap instead of a deficient brain that it would be socially inexcusable to ask me to carry on as if everything is normal. This treatment of "just buck up","hunker down", or any such advice is frustratingly constant. I guess because I am not lying under covers and crying constantly (which did happen about three years ago) that I can cope with life, and I better well stop my quest for living a higher quality of life. Ah, that is the quest, the quality of life, the feeling of a happy memory that can be recalled at any time, an ability that most people have. It is the difference between living the life that God intended, or existing as a shell. A shell pumped full of drugs.

nicktimeflyer.com

cafepress.com/bubbledreams

thesilhouetteshop.yolasite.com