Pills or Chiropractic Deals

In an effort to help myself in my quest to be free from this depression and anxiety I have studied hypnosis, and meditation and different religions including Buddhism and Wicca.  I have bought supplements of all kinds, in some cases the best that the market has produced at a high price, to boot. I have a VNS implant-which did help at the beginning, and perhaps still does. Diet was improved and I lost a hugh amount of weight, good for my overall health. I have sought alternative medicines and treatments to help. All in an effort to find a way to conquer the anxiety and depression that literally controls my entire life. I am now back on meds after almost two years of being off and I must say that I am doing better now than I was just six months ago. I have yet to tell my chiropractor that I do not want to continue with his adjustments and that I have felt that I have belong to a cult these last two years that I have followed the chiropractic life style.
Yes, much of it is just good, old common sense, and I will keep what makes sense and will not be as heavy as I once was. Although since Jan. I have gained about twenty five pounds. I am dealing with that. Still exercising on a six day schedule-it makes me feel good, so I will do it. But  it must come to a head with the chiropractor, because I feel he brow beats me by telling me that the medication is wrong for me. That I am just killing myself early. Maybe so, but to belittle my decision and do it regularly, I will not have it. I can a least work now and get more accomplished, and be happier as I do it.
I have an employer that knows that I am a depressive and knows that I am trying to live with it to the best of my abilities. I have worked for them almost thirty years now and have had ups and downs with them, but mostly up. And they are concerned with my health as well. So I will stay to the very end ( retirement) if they will have me.
I would like to investigate the treatment of rTMS. Usage of magnetic current through the upper front portion of the brain. It is supposed to help the brain regenerate the dendrites that transmit the neurotransmitters. But I will know more after some reading.
I have just re-read my own blog and found that because I have a VNS device, I can not try rTMS.

Antibiotics are Bad

It seems that the two antibiotics (erytromycin and cipro) that have been tried cause me to shift into depression. I have a new way to calm down my restless sleep. I am telling myself to sleep peacefully, to sleep deeply. This is new, so I have to test it for sometime before I know if it is working in all circumstances. (I studied hypnosis in the early 90's, meditation later, this is one technique from both disciplines. -edtior)(Antibiotics were a part of the problem, they destroyed the digestion and immunity in the system, driving me into the depression deeper and deeper. I also may have been having an allergic reaction to the drugs as well.-editor)

nicktimeflyer.com

cafepress.com/bubbledreams

thesilhouetteshop.yolasite.com

Walgreens Mistake

The medication foul up was that Walgreens miscounted the tablets and shorted me two weeks of meds. It scared me at the time because if they hadn't owned up to the mistake it would have cost me hundreds of dollars. That's another reason to switch to another method to control this disease of the mind.
This depression causes me to have a short temper. For years I ceaselessly berated myself for not having the patience that one should have for the small things in life. This is a part of how the disease is intertwined with my assessment of my self worth. I have searched the Bible, self help gurus, Buddhism, Wicca, hypnois, meditation(regular and sound vibration induced) Eckencar(a kind of religion), psychoanalysis, The Sedona Method, and am still searching for some kind of path. I am praying now and feel the presence of God. But the question still remains: why me?
So the answer is 'it just is' and to deal with it. Period.

nicktimeflyer.com

cafepress.com/bubbledreams

thesilhouetteshop.yolasite.com

A letter to Edna, my Sister

Hi from Orlando!
the weather here in town is very enjoyable and refreshing. 70's during the days and 50's at night. Dry and crisp.
Please have me in your prayers. I am making a decision to have a VNS implant to fight the depression. It is like a pace maker for the brain. The insurance from work will cover most of it ( 70%) but I need to come up with the remaining cost. This could be up to 10,000 dollars. My IRA will most likely to be used. If it works, it could slow down the parade of drugs through the system, thus good for the liver. Good for the pocket book, and good for the over all income level, for I could have more energy to work a 40 hour week. I can only work 32 hours. Any over that and I have a break down. Anxiety and depression attacks. Migraines come and stay for weeks. And this is for an average 40 hour week, not a hugely busy week either. I am presently on 4 drugs. two that I can afford and the two that I can't, the doctor gives me from his samples. I can't go on like this for ever. But what ever works for the time being I am willing to try. I have turn it over to the Lord and it is a great peace of mind to do so. Also I am writing about what I am going through. It is on a blog www.mylifemyreflections.blogspot.com . I write when something new occurs in the VNS side of the treatment. But it helps me to see how I am doing on a month to month basis with the treatment with the drugs, and exercise and diet program that I try adhere to. I crave Reeses Peanutbutter cups and the machines at work have them a plenty. It is a comfort food and I find that the more comfort I have the tighter my clothes fit.
When the medications work I don't crave the comfort, for I don't need it. I am more confident, self assured, I remember happy memories. The memories are in and of themselves images and when depressed the memory images are not complete and are not as saturated with color as when I recall the same memory when I am "up". Some times the memories can't be recalled at all. I have to work on the recall and manually change the saturation of the image in order to help change the depression to a more "up" state.
However there are depressions that this will not work. I have tried to fill the bleak images with color, when it works I feel a little relieved.
I am trying a new way to fight this disease. I am using photographs to help me remember the good times. When I look at the photos I can recapture the feeling of the moment, and can try to concentrate on every detail, to magnify the effect. This phenomenon is from NLP tapes that I ran across years ago when I studied hypnosis. Training the brain to avert attacks. Or fight back.
Right now I am waiting for more info from the Cyberonics folks. They are getting a surgeon lined up for my procedure. Neurologist I believe. I will be in touch with the insurance specialist nurse that the Cyberonics folks use as a way to deal with the prospective implanted patient.
So all for now.

nicktimeflyer.com

cafepress.com/bubbledreams

thesilhouetteshop.yolasite.com