Medication failure, again

I can't believe I am going through this again. I am on all this medication and I still have this urge to cry. I pull my thoughts together and made myself remember the happiness that I experienced while I was in California for my 30 anniversary, made myself remember last week when I was on that road trip to Deland. The urge subsided somewhat. But what caused it? Just everyday life stresses. I am trying, without much success, to get a handle on it. Menopause is almost over, but then again it might only be about half way through.
Just about up to here with it all.
Crying has become a common reaction, on a weekly basis, to just everyday life. I always have a feeling of I am not doing enough to warrant me relaxing. It is a Catch 22. I have to realize that I can, with the mental capacity that I have, only do so much. And that what ever I do it has to be enough. Period. No more judgements on that part.

nicktimeflyer.com

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Trying to Talk to Friend

I am documenting my dealing with depression in order to let others know just what this disease is about and how other people in my circle deal with what I tell them. I mention that I have had a medication failure. And my friends know that this occurs about once a year. I have a "down" time. This is a time of intense deep depression and frustration. A period of why is it here again, what can I do to stop it. I think that I have some part of depression always. I don't have memories that are incensed with pleasure. In fact my memory is so bad that I can't remember much of what happens from day to day. People say, that memory problems are experienced by every one. But I can not remember pleasurable things when the depression is at its deepest. And if I remember anything, on a day to day level, pleasure is not at all intense.
On to other's reactions. My Christian friend, Annie, says that I am at fault by not trusting God enough. I must trust Him to heal me in His own time. I should get involved with others and my own problems will seem small as I open myself to others. Well, this is good advice, but when I look at no motivation, no energy, and a black pit surrounding me, it gets harder.
On the other extreme, the other friend, who is bi-polar, Vanessa, says that how can I do anything, I am depressed. Period. She has at least suffered the depression that I have.
But I do not want to wear it as a badge. But everyday comes the challenge to do my best.

nicktimeflyer.com

cafepress.com/bubbledreams

thesilhouetteshop.yolasite.com