11/4/11
I have come to a mental hospital by Seaworld. Scary at first. Very,very scary. locked in. Every door is under lock and key.
Residents are all sitting in a line of chairs in front of the TV. Some zoned out, other more alert and attentive.
Tough night, and possible wheat or aspartame reactions in the morning from the juice,which was .a crystallite or HONEY NUT OATS I had for breakfast.
11/5/11
Dr. Hasheez put me Effexor .75. Dr K put me on Xanax .25x3, the singular 10mg, Xyzal by allergist. I will cancel the allergy shots for now. It-the shots were to start the eight if Nov....I have postponed the Chiropractic for now. The chiropractor was adiment that I not take drugs. That could not not be possible and hold a job. So let that be. I suffered enough. I will maintain about as healthy a life style as I can.
11/5/11
I pray that I have a job to go back to when I get out of here. John says that he would like to help us with our finances, and wants to review how we spend our money. That sounds good right now. Eases the worry.
Poor David, he has seen the down turn in my health, and now the separation that this lock up causes. Visits are only twice a week for one hour, phone calls are limited to only when others are not using the two phones that are set out when phone access happens three times daily. The access is shared by about 16 women.
The pencils are short golf pencils so people can no use them to stick them into themselves or others. The night I saw a TV show there at the lock up on how someone did that, well it almost liquidifed my innards.
They won't allow me my watercolor brush, so I wrap a small piece of cloth around the tip of a pencil and use that. With it my art survives.......it will always help me to survive.
They dose me up on the antihistamines and Ambien to help me sleep. Only thing is these antihistamines don't induce sleep.
I find that when I have a stressful allergic day, as in cleaning, the lymph glands hurt and the VNS does not keep me awake as much. It is as if the toxins in the body are slowing the effect of the VNS. It does not physically stop it, just slow the affects on the body. When I am away from the house with all of its dust mites, and then come to the house to sleep, then it has the affect that it gives me too much energy...as if I drank a lot of caffeine in the late afternoon. So I am going to try this strategy : cut it down as I can remember during the day, let it decrease it's affects during the day when the body has less to fight and then let it rip at night when I am at home. The magnet will let me do this. It shuts off the device for that one stimulation and the device will pick up again two hours later. That is how it is set up.
11/6/11
I upped the VNS before I came to this lock up. Thank God, for it has really helped me in many respects. I am realizing that I must come at this from a different aspect. They have offered me to visit the therapy program that is attached to this facility. I will do it, if we can do it with out incurring more costs. It would involve 5 hours of therapy-group therapy.
11/7/11
We work with affirmations here at the PHP side of the lock up. It is a mirror reflection of what is happening to me.. I was locked in my location in the other area in this facility, locked in the depression, hopelessness and anxiety. Here it seems that I am unlocking thoughts that caused some of the depression.
11/8/11
Most of the TV shows that are shown here in the lock up are extremely violent. Amongst the constant bouts of dramas on the phones, residents attacking staff, people in constant hideous emotional states, if one wasn't unstable when they came in, they are now. What ever I was going through at home, it was far less than what is going on here. Abilify started at 2.5 mg.
11/9/11
Meds now:Abilify upped to 5mg
11/10/11
Knowing how to stop the automatic negative thoughts that I have programmed into the brain over the years. ANTeaters : thought reprogramming to stop the negativity.
I have come to a mental hospital by Seaworld. Scary at first. Very,very scary. locked in. Every door is under lock and key.
Residents are all sitting in a line of chairs in front of the TV. Some zoned out, other more alert and attentive.
Tough night, and possible wheat or aspartame reactions in the morning from the juice,which was .a crystallite or HONEY NUT OATS I had for breakfast.
11/5/11
Dr. Hasheez put me Effexor .75. Dr K put me on Xanax .25x3, the singular 10mg, Xyzal by allergist. I will cancel the allergy shots for now. It-the shots were to start the eight if Nov....I have postponed the Chiropractic for now. The chiropractor was adiment that I not take drugs. That could not not be possible and hold a job. So let that be. I suffered enough. I will maintain about as healthy a life style as I can.
11/5/11
I pray that I have a job to go back to when I get out of here. John says that he would like to help us with our finances, and wants to review how we spend our money. That sounds good right now. Eases the worry.
Poor David, he has seen the down turn in my health, and now the separation that this lock up causes. Visits are only twice a week for one hour, phone calls are limited to only when others are not using the two phones that are set out when phone access happens three times daily. The access is shared by about 16 women.
The pencils are short golf pencils so people can no use them to stick them into themselves or others. The night I saw a TV show there at the lock up on how someone did that, well it almost liquidifed my innards.
They won't allow me my watercolor brush, so I wrap a small piece of cloth around the tip of a pencil and use that. With it my art survives.......it will always help me to survive.
They dose me up on the antihistamines and Ambien to help me sleep. Only thing is these antihistamines don't induce sleep.
I find that when I have a stressful allergic day, as in cleaning, the lymph glands hurt and the VNS does not keep me awake as much. It is as if the toxins in the body are slowing the effect of the VNS. It does not physically stop it, just slow the affects on the body. When I am away from the house with all of its dust mites, and then come to the house to sleep, then it has the affect that it gives me too much energy...as if I drank a lot of caffeine in the late afternoon. So I am going to try this strategy : cut it down as I can remember during the day, let it decrease it's affects during the day when the body has less to fight and then let it rip at night when I am at home. The magnet will let me do this. It shuts off the device for that one stimulation and the device will pick up again two hours later. That is how it is set up.
11/6/11
I upped the VNS before I came to this lock up. Thank God, for it has really helped me in many respects. I am realizing that I must come at this from a different aspect. They have offered me to visit the therapy program that is attached to this facility. I will do it, if we can do it with out incurring more costs. It would involve 5 hours of therapy-group therapy.
11/7/11
We work with affirmations here at the PHP side of the lock up. It is a mirror reflection of what is happening to me.. I was locked in my location in the other area in this facility, locked in the depression, hopelessness and anxiety. Here it seems that I am unlocking thoughts that caused some of the depression.
11/8/11
Most of the TV shows that are shown here in the lock up are extremely violent. Amongst the constant bouts of dramas on the phones, residents attacking staff, people in constant hideous emotional states, if one wasn't unstable when they came in, they are now. What ever I was going through at home, it was far less than what is going on here. Abilify started at 2.5 mg.
11/9/11
Meds now:Abilify upped to 5mg
11/10/11
Knowing how to stop the automatic negative thoughts that I have programmed into the brain over the years. ANTeaters : thought reprogramming to stop the negativity.
