The Reality of the Thing.....

As I lay in bed yesterday afternoon in terror of another panic attack a unique thought occurred to me.
The words "The Reality of  the thing is......" popped into my head. I began to I began to challenge the automatic negative thought (ANTs) patterns with the present. With the present. Not only with positive affirmations that I learned about in the PHP (partial hospital program) that was the therapy part of what I call the "lock up" noted in the blog earlier, but what was happening right then. Thought watching, cognitive thought watching. It worked. Calmed anxiety, brought back an amount of sanity that was just enough to build on.


I went out to Disney to visit my husband as he worked and we watched and fed the squirrels that are his buddies as he works. I am sleeping strange hours now, writing in the very early hours of the mornings, listening to Z88.3 Christian Radio, or yesterday, Warner Brother cartoons. So, I try to go an be with hubby when I can. Miraculously after all of this my husband of 34 years loves me still. We live for each other and crave each other. Thank God for that. A tear slips down from the right eye. He sleeps in the other room because of my strange sleep patterns. 


That is the REALITY OF THE THING......

I go to Animal Kingdom

On a rare Sunday off I and my husband decided to go to Animal Kingdom, Disney's animal themed park. If you have a mold, pollen allergy please beware. The park is below over hanging trees. The air, even on a relatively dry day is moist and laden with mold.
I arrived there in relative good condition. I knew that the weather was not dry enough to support me out there. But I had loaded up on cetirizine hydrochloride tablets from Walgreens. Something that I had started to take on Saturday the first of October. It is a stop gap at best for this condition, for I am sensitive to many things, and it helps only a little bit. It is a product that is an antihistamine and the amount that I took was one tab at 10 mg. It had worked the day before as I stood out in the outdoors on Main Street USA. But Main Street is not under trees. There is standing water in the nooks and crannies in the area that I work, but not like in the Animal Kingdom with running water in the streams under the overhanging trees. The symptoms started soon after I got there.
The itchy skin was under control this time. But balance was affected, indigestion, gas started. stiff neck muscles, mostly on the right side. All these symptoms are the byproducts of when mold allergy visits me. Although I have not been tested directly for the allergy, I am consistent in the reactions each time I am in a moist area. I went to air conditioned shopping areas and was relieved for a few minutes at a time. But I held on to shelving and my husband's arm to steady myself. Thought processes began to go down hill. I became as if I were disconnected with what was going on around me. Not disoriented, just more and more apathetic. Depression was setting in. Then fatigue began to come and overtake me. This pattern used to frighten me and I used to demand of myself that I was at fault somehow. But It has happened, now that I know what to look for in the memories of my outings to the Animal Kingdom, every time I have been out there. When I came home, I took another tab of the Walgreens brand antihistamine and went to sleep for two hours. I rarely sleep that long during the day, except when suffering an allergic reaction from something. The VNS device won't let me. It gives me a near normal sleep pattern. Little or no sleep during the day, 5 to 7 or 8 during the night.  I am up now writing this post and the depression is lessening, but the gas and indigestion remain, balance has returned. It is dry today, no rain. There is just so much that that antihistamine can handle. It is an overall mild antihistamine. Not a heavy duty shot.


www.thesilhouetteshop.yolasite.com  for silhouette art work
www.nicktimeflyer.com    for tea party history for kids