Great Day

I left early in the morning yesterday for the road trip that turned into a great day.
The people at the hospital were kind, and chatty to boot. I was allowed to see the doctor before my time because I was only touching base with him. He talked to me for about five minutes and they charged me the co-pay of 50.00. Maybe he, by standards, has to see me again just to "nail things together".(Or to collect another fee?)
Changed my time to have the procedure to 6 am. I begged for a more saner time, but they said no.
The tech that drew my blood and pre-admitted me said that some how the VNS slows things down. I will ask Cheryl about this. I want to know a little more of what to expect, and how it will work. I know know the basics, but I am always exhausted and I don't need to slow things down any more. We will see.
Also Cheryl said that ECT  (ElectroConvulsive Therapy) can be used after the implant, if needed. The unit must be turned off while the electricity is surging through the brain. I really don't want ECT.
Dr Figueroa said I would (could) lose creativity if I used ECT. Now, as an artist I don't want to go down that path, but if it would give some kind of happiness, then if this doesn't work, I will consider ECT.
I think that David, my beloved husband, is afraid that the ECT will totally change my personality. Could possibly. So could VNS, but maybe to the good? Haven't heard about changing personality to the negative in any support information that has been given to me (or found on the internet).We will see.

nicktimeflyer.com

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A call in the night

Got home last night to find the doctor's number on the voice mail. Dr. Corbyon. And a call from Cheryl. I have everything set up, but there might be a hitch some where. So today I will call.
Taking more of the medications has helped immensely but I know it will be at a cost later on. At least the thoughts of bloody knives and car accidents have stopped. Migraines are still here daily. I have stopped crying on a daily basis.
I listened to the support call on this past Tuesday. I have gained some hope.
Another thing that helps me is that I tell myself stories that I make up on the spot. I do this on the ride home from work. Stories of adventure, sci-fi, fantasy. Some are stories that mirror what is going on in my life. Some are pure fantasy. It diverts the mind, enhances the creative mind and in so doing releases serotonin. By the time I get home, I feel great. This is while I am on four meds. I can imagine what it would like without the meds. No thoughts other than horror scenes and terror screams.
I think the provigil is doing a stress number on my heart. I seem to have a little pain that I can not explain right over that area since I upped the dosage.
My upper back is in stress, all knotted up. I know that the meds help control the level of stress that I feel in the body and they control the fibermyalgia that I have because of the depression, but why, on a higher dose are the knots in the back not controlled?
I still have food cravings as well. Junk food rules, starchy, salty, anything goes.
At least I am not at the chocolate stage. When nothing helps but chocolate, God help me. Chocolate triggers, I believe, serotonin, or one of the amino acids that makes up what I need in the brain. but by the time that strikes me I am pretty low.

nicktimeflyer.com

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Support Group conference call

I dialed in to the support line at Cyberonics and now I have questions that I did not have before. Do I have to come off of the drugs before hand? because that is impossible. But it also gave me hope as well.
The interviewee was questioned very well, and I think the questions that I have can be answered by Cheryl.
I am still taking the drugs in a rather haphazzard kind of way. Just to get through until I see Dr. Rivera, the guy in Orange City.

nicktimeflyer.com

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Finding a doctor

Cheryl at Cyberonics is an angel. Every number I called this AM led down to a dead end, wrong number, can't take your type of insurance. At first I told myself, what's the use to have a procedure done and the only doctor to deal with it is in Daytona? almost 45 miles away? By the forth or fifth negative ending call, I was in tears. So when it comes to dead ends I turn to Cheryl. She said she will try again. May be a neurologist will do the dosing, and I can stay with Dr. Fig. I don't like it, but for the start it could be done.
There is another thing that I have been doing. Knowing that doctor Fig decided that He would not prescribe any more drugs, and I was still going into depression, I decided to
take more of what I have. I know that this will possibly harm the liver, and make me run out sooner than I should. But I can refill my scripts on the fifth day before they are empty. This gives me more meds. I can only take 1/2 a dose of any that i take, and that will help me get through. I don't want to do that, but I don't want to slip into the depression.
I think it maybe time to look elsewhere for a doctor. I think Dr. Fig doesn't know what the hell to do for me.
I am having constant migraines now. Taking OTC med for that. but Migraines can be helped by the implant.
I will wait and pray. but the prayer thing, well, I don't know about it. I still do it,and we will see.

nicktimeflyer.com

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A Random Call from Cheryl

Every step of the way I have been asking God to help me. I was really bummed that the hospital was giving me a hard time when I asked about the cost of the procedure, and had decided to wait until after Christmas to contact the hospital again. But Cheryl called me. She was trying to get the message to another Janet for she is working with two of us with that name. When I told her of the run around she got in touch with Ann the regional access rep and Ann got in touch with Clora James, the billing supervisor in charge of the billing for the branch hospital that I will be using. That was the message on my voice mail this past Friday. Clora is suppose to call me. It is the holidays, so there may be some lag time.
But what that call did for me was to assure me that somehow, maybe Someone was watching my frustration and stepped in. Don't know, but willing to bet on it.
Maybe some light in the dark.
My family had decided that I must fund this alone. No help from them. But I should not be bitter. I have asked for money before, and like the boy that cried wolf once too often the request goes unanswered. The requests before were for starting businesses, but I did not get any money anyways. Let me also say that the requests were given in a jesting way, not really seriously, and once every couple or three years. Still I will trust in God to work it out. He has done so for everything else in the situation that is this depression.

(God did work it out. The insurance ended in paying for all but 2500 dollars, and then the insurance stopped paying for the procedure because the government stopped paying for the procedure through medicare. I don't know what the insurance status would be now, almost 4 years down the road-editor)

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More Letters

Hi Janet,
The only assistance program available at Cyberonics is for indigent patients
who do not have insurance. I am currently working with Dr. Figueroa to find
a surgeon and hospital. Once we have that information for you, you may
certainly speak with the surgeon to see if a rate can be negotiated or if
there is a payment plan at that office. You can also speak with the
hospital's business office regarding a payment plan if you desire. I will
call you as soon as I have the surgeon information.

Thank you,
Cheryl

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Information Quest

The Cymbalta upgrade did the trick. I can now remember when I have been happy. (Having to have a drug to remember when I was happy.) Over the past month Dave and I have gone to LA to celebrate our 30th anniversary and we had the best time. It is the quality of life that I am after.  On the vacation the colors seemed so rich, so vivid, and they had a quality of cuteness about them that had me laughing. Upon returning to the daily routine of work the depression came on strong again. I tried to recall the vacation experience, and the colors were less vivid. Some of the images were not all there. Partial images floated around in my memory. I manually put the colors back into the memory and the depression decreased.
The Cyberonics Corp. has paired me with an insurance specialist by the name of Cheryl and she has sent more paperwork for me to follow up on. The folks at Dr. Figeuroa's office have sent info in to Cheryl and I will follow up on my end. When I tried to contact therapist Anne Bercik I could not get in touch with her. Her phone number(s) are not working. But I will try through the State of Florida licensing board. Cheryl wants a list of the pharmaceutical medications that I have been on and the people at Walgreens said that all I needed was an ID and they could research it for me. I will also find out what I need to know on how I am to get my hospital records of when I went in for psychiatric problems.
I know that I have not had as much a problem as some people in the area of hospitalization, but there are and were days that I should have gone in, but I felt that others would stigmatize me for that.

nicktimeflyer.com

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