The upgrade to my medications has not really worked yet. It's been 14 days now. I feel as if I am living in a hole, with no lights and slippery sides and I can't get out. I lay in bed and think how angry I am. A smoldering soul eating pain. I blog less, create less, enjoy less and all my thoughts center around me and how I am being cruelly used to further this restricting pain. Can I climb up the side of my hole and peak out, even for just one minute?
I will, by the nature of it being a job, get involved with people at work. This will help and I will climb to top of the hole and teeter on the brink, giving out my "happy work smile" to the people who are there. It is not a fake smile, at least not the one given to the tiny kid. The one that really did try hard to do what I told them to do. Don't I contribute to my own mixture of blackness, by concentrating on it? Uh! What a mixture of **%%#*% and !!**@arrrraugh!
Now that's enough. Was prayed for by one of my Christian friends.
I will, by the nature of it being a job, get involved with people at work. This will help and I will climb to top of the hole and teeter on the brink, giving out my "happy work smile" to the people who are there. It is not a fake smile, at least not the one given to the tiny kid. The one that really did try hard to do what I told them to do. Don't I contribute to my own mixture of blackness, by concentrating on it? Uh! What a mixture of **%%#*% and !!**@arrrraugh!
Now that's enough. Was prayed for by one of my Christian friends.
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