A bubbly voice who's owner's name is Caroline called and left her number. After four return calls I wonder if the bubbly is in her head. She has left the line dangling. I am proceeding as if all is cool. I called Dr. Fig and told him that I had to go up to 150ml of the drug Cymbalta. He said that I could not do that and to return to the 120ml level. I asked what I should do once the depression returns. He said I would have my ups and downs. I am fed up with a doctor that has never had depression before. down means images of bloody knives, accidents, relatives dying, anger, irritability, floods of tears and much concern over sanity. So I upped the dosage of another drug. Just a wee bit. I can hide it better. Yes this is not right. But when is the desire for sanity not right. Possible liver damage. But relief from the bizarre thoughts and the crushing"brain hurt".
Brain hurt is a term that I've come to use to describe the get me outta here, this is insane, @#$%& it's here again feeling. It's much more than the last sentence can describe. It's hopelessness that nothing can do anything for me, it is anger that people close to me can not see it. They see me after the tears are dry, once a week for an hour or two. Yes, I can hide it too. Specially to people who don't want to hear about it anyway. I take more medications, and the pit moves away, for a little while.
Brain hurt is a term that I've come to use to describe the get me outta here, this is insane, @#$%& it's here again feeling. It's much more than the last sentence can describe. It's hopelessness that nothing can do anything for me, it is anger that people close to me can not see it. They see me after the tears are dry, once a week for an hour or two. Yes, I can hide it too. Specially to people who don't want to hear about it anyway. I take more medications, and the pit moves away, for a little while.
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