What Wiki pedia says

Just shortly ago my doctor diagnosed me with mood disorder. Shortly before that it was OCD both faces of one disease. This depression has more than one face. In fact many faces. When people tell you to snap out of it and you can, that probably is 'the blues'. Not to be laughed at in itself the 'blues' are a minor form of what I have, and many others have. This form of depression can not be snapped out of.

It is major depression associated with anxiety. But there are ways to use to help one survive.
But back to what the title of this blog.

Specific treatments for depressive disorder

Many forms of treatment are available. Treatments may include cognitive-behavioral therapy, music therapy, art therapy, group therapy, psychotherapy, animal-assisted therapy (also known as pet therapy), physical exercise, medicines such as antidepressants, and keeping a gratitude journal. A more holistic approach is required to address the problem of depression and mood disorder.

I have not tried cognitive-behaioral therapy, but all others. The blog is a gratitude journal, a record of medical things going on with me dealing with the depression. The VNS has not helped me as I thought it would. But I think brain stimulation in some what will help. The VNS does work somewhat, but not to the freeing from the depression.

Soothing yourself in depression

I got an email from a friend for me to look at this:

Press the “stop” button on negative mental tapes. Do you catch yourself ruminating on the worst that could happen (“The insurance company won’t pay, my friends won’t help and I’ll wind up living on the street”)? Replace that “awfulizing” refrain in your head with a more realistic scenario (“My premiums are paid and I can stay with my cousin while my home is being repaired”). Also, remind yourself of a past challenge that you faced successfully as you inwardly repeat the mantra, “I survived that, so I can survive this, too.” As a physical reminder, write your mantra on an index card and stick it in your pocket—then take it out and read it whenever negative thoughts threaten to overwhelm you.
Trim your to-do list. The idea is to make the rest of your life as stress-free as possible while you concentrate on the big challenge at hand. Cancel or postpone obligations that add to your burden…request that family and friends make fewer demands on your time, at least temporarily…take a mental-health day off from work if you can. There will be certain things you can’t let go of, of course—but you can always find some wiggle room in your schedule.
Be as kind to yourself as you would to a loved one. “It’s common to focus on our own flaws while ignoring our strong points, then berate ourselves inwardly for our weaknesses,” Dr. Block noted. To halt that stress-expanding habit, speak to yourself in the third person, showering yourself with the same care and compassion that you would show to a troubled friend. Example: Rather than chiding yourself to “stop being a big baby,” tell yourself, “Life is hard just now, so it’s OK to feel unsettled. Remember that you have many fine qualities—strength, persistence, intelligence—that will help you through.” Then close your eyes and visualize yourself moving through your struggle successfully, utilizing your wealth of inner resources.
Source: Joel Block, PhD, is a senior psychologist at Long Island Jewish Medical Center in New Hyde Park, New York and an assistant clinical professor of psychology/psychiatry at the Hofstra North Shore-LIJ School of Medicine in Hempstead, New York. He also is the author of more than 20 books, including Saving My Life: A Least Likely to Succeed Success Story. www.DrBlock.com

Mood Disorder

Since last writing I have been given the go ahead to try lamictal. It is a drug that I am severely thankful for. It melts on your tongue and so it is in your system far sooner than any other drug that I have been on. I am also on abilify and wellbutrin.
My psychiatrist says it is a mood disorder, but did not mention bipolar. Maybe it is not as severe as the latter. But it is helping me to get things off my chest and calm things down emotionally and give me some peace. I am now not so anxious about my putting my foot down about certain things and not to much ruminating on it afterward. The things have bothered me emotionally for some time. As I am feeling less anxious about things in general, I feel that it has helped me greatly to have this drug. 

Thought Bubbles: Aristotle

                           We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act but a habit. — Aristotle

Has anyone ever applied this to depression? If we practice the depression, each and every day, then we become excellent at what we do. Depression is as much a physical thing as a mental thing. If I fill my mind with it in the morning, gripping about this or that,  then the rest of the day I head down that path. The day is no different than the day before no matter what happens. It is you and your reactions to your situation that rule you. Keep your thoughts as near to doing your chores, work, spiritual things, and realize that you are the one that controls what goes on in your mind. Kick the depression to the curb as best you can. Kick it a little more each day. There will be a day that comes where when the depression occurs that you will automatically kick it to the curb. Then you will see that you will become excellent at defeating the monster within.

Risperdal

I am having dreams in which I am very active, talking or moving. The dreams are about escape, running in fear away from something that fills me with terror.  But I do stand and fight.  I have awoke with the words 'CHECK YOUR WEAPONS' coming from my lips. 

I have for years clenched and ground my teeth, and I wear a teeth guard. I have begun picking at sores on my thighs and buttocks. I pick my ears most of each day. These are nervous anxious habits.

I wake up early in the morning  and  when I get past that drowsy stage I write. On my current book, or on what is happening to me. Then as I get tired I slowly sink back asleep.

I have my highest anxiety when I am at work and when I am driving to and from anywhere.

There is a burning in my chest at first.  I counter with a deep breathing exercise. After a while of this anxiety the depression comes on. Some times I can control it through the deep breathing, but that is getting harder to do.  Typical scenes that appear in my imagination are things akin to dogs biting me, relatives or myself having a road accident. 

Last night I went to bed depressed, and am now struggling with not going deeper into the depression. At least at this time I am not overly critical about it, that this whole situation is my fault. I did that for years. When I get into that mode I suffer the most. 

Dreams

I can usually tell when the drugs I am taking are either not the right strength, or are not working. I have awoke to dreams that seem terror filled. And yet the actual subject matter is benign . I wake up to feelings of It has happened again.
At three in the morning I awake. Again I am trying to use suggestions, positive affirmations to help de-program my overly tired brain. I am trying to come off of Colonapren and down on risperdal simultaneously . Not a great picture.  Half a sleep when I write, but do so anyway to get angst out about the early risings .
I have restless movement of trunk and legs as well . Try to sleep, does not relieve the problem.  Seems to me that this was the same problem the last time.
The the naggings of the Chiropractor come to mind. Put anything into the body and you affect it's normal function.

I decided very shortly afterward that I would go back up on the tranquilizer and the risperdal. I am  happier, less frightened, though I still go through bouts of anxiety. It is as if my brain once it has walked down the path of anxiety and depression has trained itself to run down that path when I am reacting to most anything. But there are certain things that trigger it more than other things.
Travel, especially in cars, and working doing my job. Both things I have done all my life. So what is it? The psychiatrist says that I need to have my mind filled with creative happy thoughts. When driving I am better when distracted with singing with the radio or just listening to it. When it is slow at work is when the anxiety is worse.

Thought Bubbles: Holley Gerth says it Again!

I think that God has sent this lady to help many. Here are her words

On the way to a crazy 50 mile bike ride with my husband I text back and forth with my wonderful friend. Our conversation sounds kinda like this: Me: Why am I doing this? Friend: I have no idea. Me: Because I like a challenge? Because my hubby wants me to? Because there will be free snacks along the route? I can’t put my finger on the motivation. I turn from texting to the screen of my Kindle. These words from Switch: How to Change Things When Change is Hard jump off the page at me… “We essentially ask ourselves three questions when we have a decision to make: Who am I? What kind of situation is this? What would someone like me do in this situation?” –Chip and Dan Heath We think we make decisions based on facts and rational thinking. It turns out a lot of times our decisions are based on our identities–both who we believe we are now and who we aspire to be in the future. I was doing that 50 mile bike ride because I wanted to be the kind of wife who does stuff like that with her husband. Huh. That identity push was powerful enough to get me up at the crack of dawn and take me through 50 miles of riding. Why does understanding this matter? Because it means if our identity is based on untruth then we will make decisions that are out of line with God’s best for us. If I believe I’m someone with nothing to offer then I’ll hold back. If I believe my life doesn’t have a purpose then I’ll be more likely to live without intention. If I believe God should have made me different than I will be hesitant to use the strengths and gifts He’s placed within me. On the other hand… If I believe I’m who God has created me to be and He’s given me what I need to accomplish all He’s called me to do then I will make decisions that move me forward in His purpose for my life. Let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. Heb. 12:1-2 What hinders us? Often it’s what we believe about who we are. Do we all struggle with this? Of course. And we will until the day we’re home in heaven forever. But we can stand at the starting line of a new day together and say, “This is who God says I am. And because of that, I will be different today.” Let’s persevere in our race, friend. Are you ready to move forward together? You just finished reading Why who you think you are matters ! Consider leaving a comment! Would you like to subscribe by email? {yep, it's free} Book: You're Already Amazing {e}coaching: I'm the girl to know when you're ready to grow.