Resources for Depression

In entering the mental hospital one gains the realization, that hey, I really need help. This is no DUH, I mean the reality slaps you in the face that you are sick and these people realize that you need to have it right away. They will not turn and walk away from you to let you try to clime out of the pit yourself. When I went in the first time in October, I was so depressed that I slept most of the time. No interest in even trying to get back to normal. I just knew that the medication had to have time to work and I needed rest and time. The second time I was already on a drug, though it did not do the full trick for me, I was better. I also determined to get resources-telephone numbers and into programs that would help me. I located several:

• liveandworkwell.com This is associated with  my United Behavioral Health program from my employer. But most health insurance programs from employers have a mental health program. I got on the site without any of my insurance information  being used, so an outsider person can go for the information that the site has.
• www.nimh.nih.gov National Institute of Mental Health
• www.aacap.org American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry
• www.dbsa.org Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance
• Dailing 211 on your phone. Here in Florida the government has instituted a help line for a host of problems, one of those problems is a suicide prevention line. 
• National Suicide Prevention LIfeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
• Local mental hospitals usually  have a crisis line that one can call when one is suicidal or on the road to those feeling. Get that number and put it with your other resources to use when one is at the breaking point. Local number for Central Florida is 407-264-7676. This is the number for the Crisis Line at the hospital that I went to.
• www.nami.org National Alliance on Mental Illness.
• www.covermymeds.com  helps physicians and pharmacists complete Prior Authorization and other insurance coverage determination forms for any drug and almost all drug plans.

And the Psychiatrist was Right!

I was on Anafranil in the 90's and then went off of it. I don't remember why, and I did not keep a log at that time. This wish for a non-depressed, non anxious state. is powerful and I am striving to understand it. NO, I do understand that one always wants happiness and will always strive for it. I mean I want to understand what causes the depression and if I can stop it naturally.
The next step is cognitive behavioral therapy(CBT) suggested by Dr. Saavedra. The therapist suggested by her is Linda Grant, a therapist in her business group. I will contact her shortly.
I had one session with her and realized that because of the expense I would not be able to continue. My co pay is 60. She wanted several in one week for starts and then less a bit later. 

Mammogram Can't find cyst!

In trying to find the perfect diet to stop the depression, I went alkaline in the body. Cut out acidic foods, drinks, stopped the foods that were having an allergic reaction and generally, worried myself half to death that whatever I ate, or the air that I breathed gave me depression. All that and the ##@%^%& depression came back anyway. But the thing the body did was rid itself of the cyst in the right breast. Through giving up caffeine and alkalizing the body I believe. Good breast health denotes better health in the rest of the body. So I can enjoy that thought as I take the pills to pull me out of the anxiety and depression...

It is a great start to a new year, a confirmation of better health than I was two years ago!I am out of the mental ward. :)))) 

Anafranil: Makes me FAT!

January first I weighed about 130, now about two weeks into the new year and the drug I am ten pounds heavier. I asked the psychiatrist about this and she agreed that it makes you crave the fat in the foods. I think it is the sugar  in the foods. I mean that I don't crave ice cream, but corn chips, popcorn, rice with butter. You get the idea. If I was more of a sweets person, I would go down that road, but I am more of a salt person, hence the chips.

The antidepressants and the side effects are not what I really want for myself, but they keep me "sane".
By sane I mean non-depression, a state that lets me handle the stresses and life without breaking down and entering in a mental hospital. This is the raw edge of life. Take a drug that makes the body react in a very unhealthy way so that the mind can cope with the stress. Catch 22? In a LOOP of POOP?

To maintain a healthy body one must have put into the body non-acidic products. Medications are of their nature, acidic. But to have a mind that is not terrorized by depressive, anxious thoughts is a priority as well. So down the road to ill health again? To being overweight and other health problems because of the way the drugs are causing me to feel and react?? The diagnosis was OCD and I can see how that applies, just in the anxiety prone nature of this post.

Thermograms

I have endeavored to stay away from the highly toxic world of medications and medical tests that shoot x rays at a person to determine if their breasts are healthy. Now, that doesn't mean that I ignored that part of the body.

I used thermograms. It involves a heat sensing camera that can determine if there is too much heat, ie, flow of blood, to that area of the body. In this manner the thermogram can determine if a growth of any kind can be happening in that area of the body, and steps can be taken to avoid possible trouble in the future. For people in the Central Florida area a new source has been passed on to me.
 http://www.btiscan.com/ormondbeach.html?gclid=CIH5pLagv60CFUmR7Qod5U9uAA but it says it costs $199-$299 includes images, interpretation and report.

Now, because of costs I have to reenter the world of allopathic medicine, I am going back to mammograms. At least if there is something there I can be insured for some of the costs. Under the naturopathic way, thermograms, I had to pay the full costs, up front.

Thought Bubbles: God in the New Year

Some of these lines come from Heart to Heart with Holley: Whatever You May Face:
There has been intense times just past and will be intense times in the near future. What with the increased depression, hospitalization, changes of meds four different times and my need to produce income, I need internal spiritual help. Then I open up my email and find this wonderful blog written by Holley:

Hello Friend!

I’m thinking of you today, staring at that calendar of blank days on your wall or your screen. What will they hold? I’m not sure but I do know this—there’s One who will hold you through them all.

Our world seems to be in love with uncertainty right now. But there’s One who loves you and dares to whisper, “No matter what, you will be okay. More than okay—you’ll be victorious.”

Maybe you see some challenges you’re not sure you can handle. Maybe you’re standing just outside your comfort zone and wondering what in the world you’re doing here.

So let me whisper that there’s nothing in heaven that won’t be yours if you need it. And God has made you all you need to be to complete his perfectly planned to-do list for you.

And you’re beautiful. Just as you are. Not because of what people see when they look in your face but because of what God sees when he looks at your heart. A child of his who is willing to trust, to live with courage, to give him all of your days.

2012 is going to be a good year for you. Maybe not easy. Maybe not what you expected. Maybe more than you think you can handle. But somehow, someway you’re going to look back and say, “Whew, God was there and He’s good.”

In the mental hospital, I asked the tech to print me out Hebrews 13:5 and Psalm 23. Then I had my husband bring in my Bible. To read those beautiful words gave me strength and hope. Those words are over 2000 years old and bring me peace as they have to millions over the years.

Allergies, Drug Interactions, rTMS

In an email from Herb (in black, my response in red):

In my wife's case we were treating coughing, congestion and a prolific amount of phlegm for sometime thinking it was a cold or flu like symptoms.  After numerous testing and chest x-ray my wife was finally diagnosed with what turned out to be Asthma. For me, it was dust, dust mites, grass, pollen, ragweed. For the Asthma she utilizes a nebulizer twice a day containing two drugs; Brovana and Budesonide.  While most drugs list potential side-effects from soup to nuts, I carefully monitor, observe and maintain empirical records on her reactions to all her medications and treatments.  My wife also uses Benedryl for two purposes at bedtime.   One it helps with the congestion and it aids with sleep.I use it to help with sleep as well  So far, no problems with these meds.

I'm not a doctor but through my training as a former Board Member, President and facilitator of a local chapter of DBSA (Herb, I don't(know what DBSA is) I don't give anyone advice but rather share our experiences, my research, knowledge and collaboration with mental health professionals around the world.  I advocate for patient and support person education while encouraging hope and persistence. That is why I  blog.

With that said I really wouldn't have anything to suggest for allergies other than to carefully read all drug literature and while some drugs list the potential for depression and/or other serious side-effects one has to also address the immediate medical problem first. I have a tendency to ruminate on what the negative aspects of  what the drug could do to me, and thus increase the fear factor in the issue. I monitor my body and the reactions it may have, then look the drug up to see if it matches what is going on with me. I would then suggest careful record keeping to see if in fact a particular med negatively effects one's mood state.  As many of us already know each individual is unique and so too one's responses to all treatment options.  Therefore you might utilize a med effectively while the same drug may negatively impact my wife.  I coined a phrase some 5 decades ago as it relates to her therapies, "The Trail and Error Approach to Wellness" as it applies to her mental well being. Bingo!!  

From our experiences I would avoid adding or combining too many drugs at once as one can't determine what drug is doing what or negatively impacting the individual.  One treatment option people often over look is slowly withdrawing from all medications and then starting from square one. This I have done as well, and am in the process of going the way of drugs again, in an attempt to stabilize myself in order to return to work.  Too often treating physicians tend to have tunnel vision and only look at their specialty while the patient ends up heavily medicated and the situation worsens.

I also read that you were talking about rTMS.  I can share with you from my discussions with Dr. John O'Reardon of University of Pennsylvania and Dr. Mark George of the Medical School of South Carolina that rTMS can be performed safely on VNS patients by knowledgeable physicians.  One individual with whom I collaborate was not achieving significant benefit from VNS.  So he went on to try rTMS which did the trick for him.  The problem is no one can guarantee what will or will not work for any given patient.  We simply have to keep trying until we find a treatment or combination of treatments that produce some efficacy.

OCD in on the mix?

In a email to my sister Edna.


Thanks for the encouragement and ideas. Once I am stable, and I am getting there, I will continue to move on with projects and dreams that I still have. The psychiatrist has said that my OCD, which is what I have had for 40 years causes the depression. She has changed the medications once again, and will connect me with a cognitive behavioral therapist. One that will teach me how to combat the constant negative thoughts that come to me. I blow things completely out of proportion to the negative and this leads to the depressions. Taking the anti-anxiety drugs for the past week and I do feel much better. Things are not as overwhelming as before this current stay in the hospital. 

Work will be another challenge, which I am facing daily. Talking to management and upper management. I hope that I  have not worn out their ears with my problems. I don't think so. They know of the depressions and what kind of things I have done to negate the problems that they may have caused the business over the years. We will see by this morning, and by tomorrow when the new schedule comes out. One day at a time.

Research on Singulair and Xyzal

Dear Herb, 

I have stopped the Allegra, but continue on Xyzal, Singulair, and Wal-dryl (a generic form of Benadryl).   As the allergy shots increase in effectiveness  the need for the antihistamines will go down. What does your wife use to control  her allergies?The allergy doctor is at the present trying to reduce the amount of drugs that I am on. My psychiatrist says that environmental toxins,ie dust, dust mites, pollen, grasses etc. can cause depression and after a round of allergy shots that I should be able to reduce, or stop the antidepressants. 

Right now I have a huge anxiety problem with it and am taking risperdal to counter that. My job is outside and I almost panic to go outside for long periods of time. One day at a time. The shots are to reach their effective stage about March 16th.

Any suggestions?

I am now looking up Singulair and found out that it can cause suicidal thoughts and depression. I stopped it today and will monitor the results. I also see that Xyzal can cause anxiety.

rTMS Therapy

This past depressive episode and the return to medications has me thinking that I would like to be off the medications once again. The VNS unit, when turned up increases the appetite and I have to eat every hour and can not sleep. If these things can be solved I would turn up the device, but right now I don't know how to get past that aspect of the device. So I am looking elsewhere and I found TMS therapy. Click here

New Soup: Bean and Kale

Since the soup and chili season is officially here, I thought I would post this soup that I want to try:
INGREDIENTS:

4 cups dried white kidney beans (soaked overnight) or red kidney beans, should not make a difference.
2-3 cups vegetable broth (or 4 if you don’t want to use water)
2 cups water
1 Cup chopped celery
1 bunch fresh kale, coarsely chopped (with or without the stem. I kept the stem.)
1 medium onion, coarsely chopped
2-3 garlic cloves, pressed (or diced)
1/2 red bell pepper, chopped
1 tsp paprika
1 tsp red pepper flakes
sea salt & black pepper to taste
Saute onion in a little bit of veggie broth until transparent.
Add broth, water, beans and bring to a boil.  Cover and simmer for 20-30 minutes or until beans start to get tender.
Add kale, red pepper, garlic and all seasonings for the remaining 10-15 minutes and simmer on medium.
Soup is done when veggies & beans reach desired tenderness.

Reflections on Life: Meds are Only Part of the Fix

In a email to my sister Edna, and a friend, Mary:

Sorry I have not called. Combination of several things that are long and involved. Waiting for the drugs to build up, anxiety to face things and people again, etc. Mom is coming over today, and we will do in town running and visiting. We have to go get her hair cut, maybe just visit with other friends. Time to enjoy her. With her kidneys going, she is passing.

Wind and more wind outside right now, glad to be inside this morning. Dave will have to work out in it this afternoon, in about six hours. At least the sun will be up.

Met some people in the hospital and witnessed to one while there. She is in a mess of things and needs a person to talk to. Actually she is a soap opera of problems. But we all are at times. Something tells me to be her shoulder, but to be careful as well. Her life and problems do not need to cartwheel into mine. 

They have therapy in the hospital. The first stay I was so depressed that not much of the therapy went into this brain of mine. Could have been the chaotic atomsphere of the unit they had me in. Lots of screaming, crying and near violence. This time, I went into that unit first and was then transferred into another, more subdued unit that helped me cope with what I had to cope with.

I think that I need talk therapy  to deal with some of the problems that I have. I have always thought that medications would fix me up fine, but now I see that it can make a difference if I get into a talking situation. Clear out the brain and work through some preconceived thoughts.

I am a multifaceted person, and why should I think only one thing will help me? Not to overwhelm myself, I will prioritize the problems and work on them a little at a time.

Life is not your problem, but your thoughts can be.

Post Hospital-Again

I was in the psychiatric ward again. The cymbalta was not doing the whole job. The stay was from 12/27/11 to 12/31/11. They gave me risperdal at .5mg twice daily. This was wonderful at first. But as I reentered the outside world, my sleeping took a nose dive. The anxiety increased 10 fold and the allergies magnified. I checked the air filter in the AC system and it was filthy and I replaced it last night.
At one AM I had not slept again for the second night. I went  to Walgreens and got some melatonin product that is called Sweet Slumber made by Schiff. This did pretty well until I woke up with a racing heart about three AM. It took about 5 minutes for it to calm down and I went back to sleep. This is scary enough for me to seek medical advice. I took the Sweet Slumber because the pharmacist said it would be alright to do so after I told him about the antihistamines and antidepressants. When I got home the inside label said that depressives should not take the product.
I want medical advice. I need sleep and the allergies are keeping me up, agitated and irritated. I will go to the allergy doctor to day for a shot and I will move the next appointment to the next available date. I must have relief!