I am documenting my dealing with depression in order to let others know just what this disease is about and how other people in my circle deal with what I tell them. I mention that I have had a medication failure. And my friends know that this occurs about once a year. I have a "down" time. This is a time of intense deep depression and frustration. A period of why is it here again, what can I do to stop it. I think that I have some part of depression always. I don't have memories that are incensed with pleasure. In fact my memory is so bad that I can't remember much of what happens from day to day. People say, that memory problems are experienced by every one. But I can not remember pleasurable things when the depression is at its deepest. And if I remember anything, on a day to day level, pleasure is not at all intense.
On to other's reactions. My Christian friend, Annie, says that I am at fault by not trusting God enough. I must trust Him to heal me in His own time. I should get involved with others and my own problems will seem small as I open myself to others. Well, this is good advice, but when I look at no motivation, no energy, and a black pit surrounding me, it gets harder.
On the other extreme, the other friend, who is bi-polar, Vanessa, says that how can I do anything, I am depressed. Period. She has at least suffered the depression that I have.
But I do not want to wear it as a badge. But everyday comes the challenge to do my best.
