11/4/11
I have come to a mental hospital by Seaworld. Scary at first. Very,very scary. locked in. Every door is under lock and key.
Residents are all sitting in a line of chairs in front of the TV. Some zoned out, other more alert and attentive.
Tough night, and possible wheat or aspartame reactions in the morning
from the juice,which was .a crystallite or HONEY NUT OATS I had for
breakfast.
11/5/11
Dr. Hasheez put me Effexor .75. Dr K put me on Xanax .25x3, the singular
10mg, Xyzal by allergist. I will cancel the allergy shots for now.
It-the shots were to start the eight if Nov....I have postponed the
Chiropractic for now. The chiropractor was adiment that I not take
drugs. That could not not be possible and hold a job. So let that be. I
suffered enough. I will maintain about as healthy a life style as I can.
11/5/11
I pray that I have a job to go back to when I get out of here. John says
that he would like to help us with our finances, and wants to review
how we spend our money. That sounds good right now. Eases the worry.
Poor David, he has seen the down turn in my health, and now the
separation that this lock up causes. Visits are only twice a week for
one hour, phone calls are limited to only when others are not using the
two phones that are set out when phone access happens three times daily.
The access is shared by about 16 women.
The pencils are short golf pencils so people can no use them to stick
them into themselves or others. The night I saw a TV show there at the
lock up on how someone did that, well it almost liquidifed my innards.
They won't allow me my watercolor brush, so I wrap a small piece of
cloth around the tip of a pencil and use that. With it my art
survives.......it will always help me to survive.
They dose me up on the antihistamines and Ambien to help me sleep. Only thing is these antihistamines don't induce sleep.
I find that when I have a stressful allergic day, as in cleaning, the
lymph glands hurt and the VNS does not keep me awake as much. It is as
if the toxins in the body are slowing the effect of the VNS. It does
not physically stop it, just slow the affects on the body. When I am
away from the house with all of its dust mites, and then come to the
house to sleep, then it has the affect that it gives me too much
energy...as if I drank a lot of caffeine in the late afternoon. So I
am going to try this strategy : cut it down as I can remember during the
day, let it decrease it's affects during the day when the body has less
to fight and then let it rip at night when I am at home. The magnet
will let me do this. It shuts off the device for that one stimulation
and the device will pick up again two hours later. That is how it is set
up.
11/6/11
I upped the VNS before I came to this lock up. Thank God, for it has
really helped me in many respects. I am realizing that I must come at
this from a different aspect. They have offered me to visit the therapy
program that is attached to this facility. I will do it, if we can do
it with out incurring more costs. It would involve 5 hours of
therapy-group therapy.
11/7/11
We work with affirmations here at the PHP side of the lock up. It is a
mirror reflection of what is happening to me.. I was locked in my
location in the other area in this facility, locked in the depression,
hopelessness and anxiety. Here it seems that I am unlocking thoughts
that caused some of the depression.
11/8/11
Most of the TV shows that are shown here in the lock up are extremely
violent. Amongst the constant bouts of dramas on the phones, residents
attacking staff, people in constant hideous emotional states, if one
wasn't unstable when they came in, they are now. What ever I was going
through at home, it was far less than what is going on here. Abilify
started at 2.5 mg.
11/9/11
Meds now:Abilify upped to 5mg
11/10/11
Knowing how to stop the automatic negative thoughts that I have
programmed into the brain over the years. ANTeaters : thought
reprogramming to stop the negativity.
