A Random Call from Cheryl

Every step of the way I have been asking God to help me. I was really bummed that the hospital was giving me a hard time when I asked about the cost of the procedure, and had decided to wait until after Christmas to contact the hospital again. But Cheryl called me. She was trying to get the message to another Janet for she is working with two of us with that name. When I told her of the run around she got in touch with Ann the regional access rep and Ann got in touch with Clora James, the billing supervisor in charge of the billing for the branch hospital that I will be using. That was the message on my voice mail this past Friday. Clora is suppose to call me. It is the holidays, so there may be some lag time.
But what that call did for me was to assure me that somehow, maybe Someone was watching my frustration and stepped in. Don't know, but willing to bet on it.
Maybe some light in the dark.
My family had decided that I must fund this alone. No help from them. But I should not be bitter. I have asked for money before, and like the boy that cried wolf once too often the request goes unanswered. The requests before were for starting businesses, but I did not get any money anyways. Let me also say that the requests were given in a jesting way, not really seriously, and once every couple or three years. Still I will trust in God to work it out. He has done so for everything else in the situation that is this depression.

(God did work it out. The insurance ended in paying for all but 2500 dollars, and then the insurance stopped paying for the procedure because the government stopped paying for the procedure through medicare. I don't know what the insurance status would be now, almost 4 years down the road-editor)

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After the first Road Trip

The meds that Dr. Fig ran out of did not cost the amount that I thought they would. Apparently Aetna now covers the Provigil. It cost me 60 dollars, not almost 400 as it was the last time I bought it.
The doctor visit to Deland to Corbyon's office took 3 hours. All but 15 min was waiting for him to come and talk to me.
He gave me a thumbs up for the procedure, but wants me to talk to the hospital and find out the cost, for my peace of mind. I called the finance office and they gave me a phone number for the estimate line. It is a voice mail setup that one can record the code attached to the procedure(s) and get an answer sometime in the future. I will wait two business days and then call back. I think that the hospital is giving me the run around about the cost, for they are hesitant to talk about it. First they give me number to the finance office and the person there would not quote me any prices, and gave me an estimate line.
The doctor gave me more hope that the device would work, for 70% of his patients that had this have felt some relief from the depression. That is better than the Cyberonic figure of about 50%.
The doctor said that perhaps if the hospital knew that I would be paying 30% of the cost that maybe the they would cut some of the cost.

nicktimeflyer.com

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Up to Deland

Today is roadtrip day.According to Mapquest it is a 55 mile trip. It sounds as if adventure is about to begin. I hope so.
Yesterday Dr Fig's office ran out of Provigil. That's another 400.00 for the meds. I told John and he will help me pay for it. But to me that is a stop gap measure. I feel so frustrated and impotent when that happens. But perhaps today will start a new episode in my treatment.It is worth the amount that it will cost, just to fight it on a new level.
I doubt that people can really understand what mental illness is.It is a blanket smothering the very essence of life. At least depression is. I notice that everything is muted and stunted when the disease is raging. Even taste is effected. I can't experience a deep sense pleasure, happiness, fullness (as in eating). I crave Reese's Peanutbutter cups when at work. And will eat two packages at a sitting. It is good as it goes down, but afterwards I am the same. Then of course I am irritable, unstable emotionally, wanting to cry most of the time. I can not concentrate, little things distract and I cannot get through a task. I want to sleep a lot, just to get away from it all. This is just the part that at this time I can write about.
As I look back at the past I belittled myself constantly, in everything I did, said, and thought about. This even included religious things. So I became one without religion, but I knew that God was still there, just waiting to punish me. No love or understanding in that relationship.

nicktimeflyer.com

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Walgreens Mistake

The medication foul up was that Walgreens miscounted the tablets and shorted me two weeks of meds. It scared me at the time because if they hadn't owned up to the mistake it would have cost me hundreds of dollars. That's another reason to switch to another method to control this disease of the mind.
This depression causes me to have a short temper. For years I ceaselessly berated myself for not having the patience that one should have for the small things in life. This is a part of how the disease is intertwined with my assessment of my self worth. I have searched the Bible, self help gurus, Buddhism, Wicca, hypnois, meditation(regular and sound vibration induced) Eckencar(a kind of religion), psychoanalysis, The Sedona Method, and am still searching for some kind of path. I am praying now and feel the presence of God. But the question still remains: why me?
So the answer is 'it just is' and to deal with it. Period.

nicktimeflyer.com

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