The day after the nightmare incident I was anxiety prone. But by the end of the day I was better, and on the 29th and now the 30th I am fine. More than fine. I went out on the 29th with Edna to the Orlando Museum of Art and I was fine, and came home tired, but not depressed. I worked on sculpture, and as aways it was a therapeutic experience. I want to get into caricature images. I feel much more motivated to do art now than before the implant. Some other things I notice are related to self improvement. The weight issue still remains. I believe that I am burning more calories since the implant, because I am eating about the same carbs and am not gaining as easily. But other things are happening. I can let go of anger now. I am less judgemental of people. I enjoy more fully the little things that happen, like birds interacting with each other, like shadows and how they take shape. Tiny things, but things all around me now interest me. This is only part of what the implant has done for me. (Enjoyment of everyday things is happening here, first time in my life I felt true joy,-editor)
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Monday, April 28, 2008
Decent Into Withdrawal
Night before last I had nightmares galore. Calling out David's name, falling out of bed and skinned knee. This only happens when there is not enough medications. Anxiety in the morning, waning in mid afternoon. I ate carbs until the anxiety felt better (wow wee zowwee on the weight). But no nightmares last night. This AM better, much so. It takes about two to three weeks for a drug to wash out of your system, so I am now feeling the effects of the first drug draw down. I am feeling a little of fibermyalgia, late yesterday, a little less today.This is the first nightmare sequence that I have had in a long time. It happened on the night of the 26th morning of the 27th.
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Back Up to Snuf
Last week I was constantly tired through my days off and only started feeling alive two days after I returned to work. But at least I can say that I regained my feelings of wellness and did not go into depression. I worked 46 hours and was very busy during that time. I did have a slight feeling of anxiety, but did not go into depression. I am three weeks into reduction of thoridiazine by half down to 25 ml a day and down on paxil by one quarter from 60 to 45 ml. I feel great. Migraines are less. I am using a massage pillow on my neck, but only since two days ago. So most of the time I have been depending on the implant to help and I believe it has. I am back up to 40+ hours at work.
I called the hospital to ask where the bill was, since it has been almost two months since the procedure. They said that they have resubmitted it to Aetna and that I should get it shortly, within the next two or three weeks.
Meanwhile I have told many people about it. It seems amazing and God sent. I actually feel good.
I am trying to lessen the amount of food I intake, and I think that is coming into focus as well. I gained at first, because everything tasted so much better. Carbs just don't mean that much to me any more. I thought I would never say that. Exercise is down a bit, mostly because of more time spent at work.
I called the hospital to ask where the bill was, since it has been almost two months since the procedure. They said that they have resubmitted it to Aetna and that I should get it shortly, within the next two or three weeks.
Meanwhile I have told many people about it. It seems amazing and God sent. I actually feel good.
I am trying to lessen the amount of food I intake, and I think that is coming into focus as well. I gained at first, because everything tasted so much better. Carbs just don't mean that much to me any more. I thought I would never say that. Exercise is down a bit, mostly because of more time spent at work.
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Constantly Tired
The last few days I have been constantly tired, which is not as usual since the implant. So, maybe I am pushing it to much. I have taken on more hours at work and maybe to soon. We need the money after buying the car, paying off the truck and the VNS surgery deductible. It's just me, I like to have a cushion. Sleepiness again. More coffee is needed, regardless of the stomach acid. The deep depression has not returned. But the grogginess, well that is the pits.
Saturday, April 12, 2008
Update on.50/180
I am now working 46 hours this week and experienced a down turn yesterday. It has been 9 days since the increase on the implant. I now am 9 days on the decrease in the medications as well. I felt the tinge of anxiety, the anger and loss of patience that usually happens when I begin to have a down turn. This morning I am groggy and sleepy, even after having 8 hours of sleep. But the depression did not come,, not yet at least. Must get more caffine. I am drinking more than 144 oz of caffine. each day, and some days can't stay awake. I am taking to caffine. again, fresh brewed.
Monday, April 7, 2008
New setting
New setting is .50/180min. I feel the mechanism a little more when it stimulates. But I compensate by slowly breathing out. A relaxation technique I learned while studying meditation. I went back on a full work week this week and that included OT . I have a few floaters in the eyes. No migraine yet. The symptoms of the oncoming migraine are still there, but the migraine has not come. The muscles in the upper back have not been barthering me so much. Not tensed as much. Mood is very good. Weight down just one pound.
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Second Visit to Riveria's Office
The implant was changed to .5mhz /180 min. This means for 30 seconds the VNS device stimulted at .5mhz and then was not stimulating for 180 minutes. (eiditor). And the medications are starting to come down. First the weakest, thoridiazine and paxil. From 50mg thoridiazine to 25mg. Paxil from 60 to 45mg. So we shall see. I went 1/2 a day without the provigal and made it through, just fine.
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