A Blog: Heart to Heart With Holley

Heart to Heart with Holley

A little confession
Posted: 20 Jan 2011 06:11 AM PST
I sit across the table from my dear friend. She smiles and asks me, "How is everything going?"

I squirm in my seat, fiddle with my napkin, mutter some words about things being good. Then I pause, consider, decide to take the plunge.
"Well, really, I feel a bit burned out."

I look up and wait for shock or disappointment.
Instead she says simply, "I'm so glad you told me."
She offers grace and expresses that she understands. I'm so relieved I feel like crying and laughing all at the same time. It turns out I'm not the only one who has ever felt this way.

I've been reading Leading on Empty by Wayne Cordeiro. He shares how our bodies have a supply of Serotonin (the brain chemicals God gave us that help us feel good). When we're in chronic stress that supply gets depleted. So we go to the back-up system, which is adrenaline. But like a spare tire, we can't go on adrenaline forever. Eventually our bodies and emotions insist we pull over and refuel. Friends, that's where I am right now.

I know many of you are new here. So let me share some back story: My husband and I have been going through infertility for over six years. On top of that, life has been a busy whirlwind for a long time.
I also have patterns of pushing too hard, being afraid of disappointing people, not relaxing enough, and the list goes on. A few months ago, God began whispering to my heart, "Holley, it's time to rest. It's time to slow down." It's taken awhile but I'm finally getting the message.
Why am I sharing this with you?

Maybe I'm hoping some of you will understand too (have you ever felt this way?).
And because I need your prayers.

At the end of the conversation with my friend I said, "You know, this isn't much fun but it's also a really beautiful invitation too. Because it seems what God wants is simply for me to be with Him--to stop all the striving.
After all, Jesus said, 'Come to Me, you who are weary and burdened.' He didn't say, 'Go do this or that."
So I'm coming--first to Jesus so that He can renew, restore, and lead me to JOY.

And then I'm coming to you too--asking for your grace, for you to walk with me in this part of the journey just as you have through so many others.
{confession: this was a really scary post to write.}
So thank you for reading it, for being here.
Thank you with all my heart.

 This is Janet now:
I feel like I am on burnout now. I will recover, slow but sure.
My life on the interior, the thought processes that occur are severely affected by the consumption of sugar, caffeine, many other substances. Traces of which are in most all packaged foods. So, most foods are consumed after I prepare them here at home.
When I get a craving for chocolate, and nuts of any kind, I must be most strong for at first they don't seem to affect me, but then, after about three days ,wham, and I go into depression. Any outside stressors that come my way are dealt with a brain that is crippled by the wrong foods. I used to sink deeper into depression when this occurred and it would take me longer to come out of it. In the mean time art and other projects and responsibilities get abandoned, my personality changes. I become an introvert. Thought processes are slowed. This is what I battle. Along with all the things that go with life.
Today I am on a fast. Liquids, and smoothies out of Vega, spinach and almond milk, to try to clear out the poisons.