I am at 1.0 and 2.5 hours for 30 seconds. This level was set yesterday. I have been under more stress lately. Working in the heat has not helped either. Teeth problems consisting of a root canal. I am not sleeping well. Grinding of the teeth, nightmares, falling out of bed, all on the increase. The doctor put me on a restless leg syndrome drug. I took the first dose last night. No change, don't expect any until the drug increases in the blood. Floaters are back after a small decrease. I have fears of some thing flying into the car windshield and killing me. This is a new feeling. Doesn't stop me from driving. One day at a time.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
First Real Down Turn
I have been living from day to day, ever increasing the amount of activity and of course stress. And I have to say that I have been doing quite well. Instead of crashing after an early shift, I can do things, which is way cool. Until the past three days. Now on the forth day I am much better. Heat, dress codes at work, despising people's actions at work, higher gas price, medical bills, yadah yadah, yadah. One gets the picture.
I have found that my creativity level is up.Way up, migraine, much lower. Still see floaters. That maybe just a part of my vision anyway. I am still on the first level of drug reduction. So I think the whole process will take two or three years. We will be patient. (It is now 3 years later, and I am continuing to find the roots of the depression and the VNS keeps plugging along, the depression is linked to allergies, hormones, spinal maladjustment, digestive problems, immunity, toxicity as well-editor)
I have found that my creativity level is up.Way up, migraine, much lower. Still see floaters. That maybe just a part of my vision anyway. I am still on the first level of drug reduction. So I think the whole process will take two or three years. We will be patient. (It is now 3 years later, and I am continuing to find the roots of the depression and the VNS keeps plugging along, the depression is linked to allergies, hormones, spinal maladjustment, digestive problems, immunity, toxicity as well-editor)
Saturday, May 17, 2008
Reaction from New level
My incision area started to hurt yesterday, as did the area that the lead attaches to the Vagus Nerve. The sensation lasted about half an hour and then a head ache on that side of the head. The next stimulation period the same pain, but much less, with no headache. But I am up again. More motivated to paint, sculpt, and to move about, as in yard work.
The hospital has not billed me yet and it has been since Feb. 26th. I did contact them and apparently they are resubmitting it to the insurance company and that takes about a month to six weeks to do.
Meanwhile I notice that I can think around problems better. I can see them as less threatening. I can move off the ruminating thoughts and on to other, more creative ones. I believe that it has helped in my OCD. I am not locked into certain behaviors as much.
The hospital has not billed me yet and it has been since Feb. 26th. I did contact them and apparently they are resubmitting it to the insurance company and that takes about a month to six weeks to do.
Meanwhile I notice that I can think around problems better. I can see them as less threatening. I can move off the ruminating thoughts and on to other, more creative ones. I believe that it has helped in my OCD. I am not locked into certain behaviors as much.
Friday, May 16, 2008
A new adjusted level (3)
I spoke to Tish (my sister-in-law, a pharmacist ) about the implant. And because she works with diabetics she was very interested to know about the device. I feel as if I am in limbo about my weight. I seem to be more active, but I am not motivated to exercise more. I thought I would be. I still crave carbs somewhat. I am going through a peanut butter phase.
On the 14th, just two days ago, I got the implant adjusted up again. I believe it was for .75 at 180 minutes. Dr. Rivera felt I should not take an increase in the stimulation, but continue to let the drugs decrease. He gave me the increase in the stimulation, and let the drugs continue at the same level.
My reaction was a little different. A slight bit of anxiety came, then went. Then the depression free state returned. I had more energy. I even had motivation to get things prepared to begin an oil painting. That is amazing after working out in the sun all day. (I had always been so incredibly tired that I could not even be the least bit creative or motivated to create after such a long day.-editor)
On the 14th, just two days ago, I got the implant adjusted up again. I believe it was for .75 at 180 minutes. Dr. Rivera felt I should not take an increase in the stimulation, but continue to let the drugs decrease. He gave me the increase in the stimulation, and let the drugs continue at the same level.
My reaction was a little different. A slight bit of anxiety came, then went. Then the depression free state returned. I had more energy. I even had motivation to get things prepared to begin an oil painting. That is amazing after working out in the sun all day. (I had always been so incredibly tired that I could not even be the least bit creative or motivated to create after such a long day.-editor)
Sunday, May 4, 2008
Certain Strangeness
For the past two days I've been tremendously tired and feeling disconnected from reality.A kind of pushed to the limit, let me rest type of feeling. Am I going into depression, or is the implant going to save me? It is just that the disconnect feeling is staying around too long. I am falling back into the redundant pit with problems at work. Over and over in the brain. So much stuff. Yuck! Struggle to break free. If brain was not in this state, troubles at work would be blown off. I can see it now. Very clearly.
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Return to New Normal
The day after the nightmare incident I was anxiety prone. But by the end of the day I was better, and on the 29th and now the 30th I am fine. More than fine. I went out on the 29th with Edna to the Orlando Museum of Art and I was fine, and came home tired, but not depressed. I worked on sculpture, and as aways it was a therapeutic experience. I want to get into caricature images. I feel much more motivated to do art now than before the implant. Some other things I notice are related to self improvement. The weight issue still remains. I believe that I am burning more calories since the implant, because I am eating about the same carbs and am not gaining as easily. But other things are happening. I can let go of anger now. I am less judgemental of people. I enjoy more fully the little things that happen, like birds interacting with each other, like shadows and how they take shape. Tiny things, but things all around me now interest me. This is only part of what the implant has done for me. (Enjoyment of everyday things is happening here, first time in my life I felt true joy,-editor)
Monday, April 28, 2008
Decent Into Withdrawal
Night before last I had nightmares galore. Calling out David's name, falling out of bed and skinned knee. This only happens when there is not enough medications. Anxiety in the morning, waning in mid afternoon. I ate carbs until the anxiety felt better (wow wee zowwee on the weight). But no nightmares last night. This AM better, much so. It takes about two to three weeks for a drug to wash out of your system, so I am now feeling the effects of the first drug draw down. I am feeling a little of fibermyalgia, late yesterday, a little less today.This is the first nightmare sequence that I have had in a long time. It happened on the night of the 26th morning of the 27th.
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